Of Staying at Home Tending a Household by Konnie Enos

Royce sat on my bed, looked right at me and said, “Meli…” He shook his head. “Mom.”

“Did you just mix me up with Melinda?”

“Well, she’s second mom.”

That’s right. My eighteen-year-old son is mixing me up with my twenty-three-year-old daughter all because she’s, for lack of a better description, our household’s stay-at-home-mom. (Yes, we are talking about a young woman who has never married and has no children, unless you count her parakeet, cat, and two dogs.)

Normally I’m the stay-at-home-mom, doing all the grocery shopping, paying all the bills, and chauffeuring my children to various places they need to be while also making futile effort to keep the household clean. I also make sure my husband takes his pills every day, which includes sorting them out into his pill dispenser once a week.

 However, I have recently taken on a full-time job.

I’m still paying the bills and dealing with Jerry’s pills and I occasionally do the dishes or cook a meal.

Since we don’t have children in our household, I can get away with doing a lot less than most mothers. You see all my children are adults.

Other then the pets who reside here, our household consists of six adults capable of doing their own laundry and keeping their own rooms clean. All of us can cook at least enough to stave off starvation. We’re all capable of washing, dishes, cleaning counters/stovetops, and dusting. I’m the only one who can’t sweep and mop the floors.

My oldest son is also working full-time. The oldest of my daughters, still living at home, is taking college classes. The remaining three members of my family consist of my unemployed husband, youngest son and youngest daughter (these last two being Royce and Melinda).

Melinda has taken over nearly all my chores, even grocery shopping.

The work is wearing her out.

I think she’s most tired of the never-ending pile of dishes and having to do all the errands and chauffeuring her siblings around. (She is the only one of her siblings with a license, so far.)

I have made efforts to thank her for all she does but in light of how much she has taken on, I don’t think it’s enough.

My oldest daughter at home and my oldest son have expressed some understanding over how much she has taken on and do make efforts to help her as much as possible. (Note they are the busiest people in the household along with me.)

Royce and my husband, Jerry, appear oblivious.

Just the other day I went to fix something to eat and had to wash every dish I needed to fix my food. I chewed into Royce who was sitting at the table. “Why can’t you do the dishes?”

“I didn’t know they needed done. Nobody said anything to me.”

“You can’t see the counter stacked with dirty dishes or notice there aren’t any clean ones in the cupboard?” He shrugged. I continued. “You’re an adult know. You should be intelligent enough to notice when something needs done.”

I continued to chew him out and, with some help from his siblings, I eventually got him to do the dishes. I will probably have to repeat it to get him to do them again.

My husband?

I had honestly thought I’d cured him of such old-fashioned thinking, but as soon as he had his disability payments coming in he refused to help with any of the daily tasks to keep a household running smoothly because “I do my part by bringing in the money.”

Yes, he said that.

I’ve yet to dissuade him from this line of thinking.

So with him refusing to do much if anything around the house and always brushing tasks I point out that needs done onto our children it’s understandable why Royce is so insisting he does enough when we have to fight him to do barely his share. It also explains why my daughter is not getting sufficient help because, frankly, running a household takes the efforts of every able-bodied member.

Unless of course, you think it’s okay to overwork and stress out one family member so everyone else can pretty much do as they please.

That’s why I’m in awe of what my daughter can accomplish and I wish she didn’t have to take on so much. She deserves a medal. Every stay-at-home parent deserves recognition for their effort in caring for their home and family.

Maybe we should institute a national stay-at-home parent’s day. On this day, all such parents get to leave house and home and do something they enjoy while their spouse has to figure out how to take care of everything.

Who’s with me?

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.