Of Harassment and Such Things by Konnie Enos

With all the accusations of sexual harassment and assault flying around nowadays there are of course plenty of memes on the subject to be found on Facebook. Not long ago while I was scrolling through one such meme caught my attention. The title was “How to not be accused of sexual harassment”. Then it showed a pie chart.

I thought of several ways you should protect yourselves from such things. What does this show? Exactly one color, only one suggestion. And what was that one suggestion? “Don’t sexually harass.”

Well, that’s the first step. But, sorry, no cigar, that’s not going to guarantee anything.

Not doing it at all should be helpful in not getting convicted of doing it, but it’s not much help against being accused. Yes, I’ve heard that nobody is going to lie about such things, but guess what? The evidence is there to say otherwise. People have lied about rape, assault and harassment only to have their stories fall about when the evidence was looked at. Or they later recanted their story.

I once had someone I know tell me that my brother-in-law had at the very least been very bold and forward in a sexually suggestive way with her. (And yes, she was/is married.) This person wanted me to admit he’d behaved similarly towards me.

My brother-in-law was so shy around me he barely ever said two words to me and I don’t think he ever touched me, not even for a hug, which I made clear then let it drop. But a few years later my own husband was accused of inappropriate behavior with some of his female clients while he was working as a home health aide, not once, but twice.

The first time his boss thought it was actually one if his clients and even took all his female clients off his list, only to have each one of them ask to have him back. The second time she told him he had someone out to get him and to watch is back.

We moved.

A few years later we figured out who’d been making those false accusations. The same person who had tried to get me to accuse my very innocent brother-in-law.

You see all it takes to be accused of sexual assault or harassment isn’t doing such things but rather coming into the crosshairs of someone who has no problem with bearing false witness. So while your first defense against being accused should be not doing them in the first place, it can’t be your only defense. If it is, you’ve got your head in the sand. And that’s the last place you want your head to be.

No, I think your second defense should be never being in situation alone with someone who could then later say, “When they got me alone they did…” Then you get in a I said/they said situation and you’ve got no witnesses to your defense.

In our church we have this saying (I think other churches have it too) “avoid the appearance of evil”. So don’t put yourself in situations where someone’s false statements might find enough footing to be taken as fact.

Food for thought.

P.S. Happy 18^th Birthday to my oldest son (tomorrow).

Bullies

Ever since the first time I heard of school district passing a zero tolerance for violence policy, I’ve wanted to say just one thing. It won’t work. It in fact will backfire because it gives bullies leverage and victimizes their targets two times over.

How did I know this up front? Simple; the first time I heard of this policy, I flashed back to time in my life when a certain bully would pin me in the corner then call me every filthy name in the book to my face until I, in an effort to get away, would punch him in the stomach and or kick him in the shin. At that point, he’d go running to our mother crying that I kicked him in the groin for no reason at all.

Our mother insisted to there was no reason for me to damage my baby brother in such a vicious manner and refused to listen to my side of the story, so she spanked me. Nothing I said managed to get through to her, not even saying repeatedly I didn’t get him in the groin, not by a long shot. This continued until the time I managed to point out that my younger brother was quite a bit larger than I was which had the unfortunate results of the next time I fought back that he trounced me instead of running to our mother.

And while I know this zero tolerance school policy wouldn’t be between siblings, it was still the same situation where the adults in charge would not accept any reason for one student to hit the other. I knew right then, the bullies of the world would figure out pretty quick all they had they had to do was avoid touching their victims and they wouldn’t get into any trouble.

Better yet, for them anyway, the system would further victimize their targets the second their targets fought back.

It was a disaster waiting to happen without adding in internet, cell phones, and texting. (Those additions make it a nightmare.)

But I seriously doubted anyone would listen to a college dropout, so I kept my mouth shut back then, and now I’ve read a story of a mother who fought back, and I applaud her.

Not too long ago I read a story on the internet about a mother who got called into school because her daughter had slugged a boy (a much bigger boy) a couple times in the face, and her reaction was fantastic and about time!

First, she actually listened to her daughter’s reason (unlike anyone else) and second she turned the tables on the principal and teacher present. If you haven’t read the story, here it is in a nutshell.

The boy in question had been repeatedly snapping the girl’s bra. When she told the teacher, he did nothing about it. (Please note the teacher was male.) So she resorted to slugging the pervert, whereupon the principal called her mother as his first step toward expelling the girl. (Please note the principal was also male.)

This fantastic mother boldly accused the boy of sexual harassment (a form of bullying I also endured during school) and promised the principal she was going to the school board because the teacher did nothing to protect her daughter from a boy who was considerably larger than her daughter. Hurrah! Well done. And it’s about time someone did this.

When I mentioned this to my twin, she told me of woman she knew who got called to school because her small for his age, black belt, second grader used his skills on several fifth graders who were bullying him. This mother informed the school her son had that black belt to protect him from bullies because the school wouldn’t. Again hurrah!

And it’s about time the school boards, principals, and teachers of this country actually started to protect the small, weak, and female students from the taunting and degradation heaped upon them by the bullies and perverts also attending their schools.

If you’re going to inforce a rule of zero tolerance, make it zero tolerance for name calling, harassing, and bullying, and let’s not forget to include in that snapping girl’s bra’s, groping, and or making sexually suggestive comments and remarks to or in the hearing of persons of the opposite sex.

And let’s send out one more hurrah to all those mothers out there standing up for their victimized children!