Of Neurodiversity, Quirks, and Arguments by Konnie Enos

Yesterday evening we all sat down at the table together to eat dinner, which in and of itself was an anomaly.

Meals in the house are usually when each individual is hungry. When we do cook a meal (which admittedly isn’t everyday) one or more persons is not eating right when the food is ready but reheating some later. We tend to keep leftovers in the fridge for this reason. And even if we do set down together to dish up, it is not uncommon for one or more of us to take our food to our room after we’ve dished up. (Usually the men in our house.)

Or, like yesterday, someone eats faster than the others and leaves the table well before anyone else is done eating. This is usually my husband simply because he eats the smallest portions of all of us.

After my husband had left the room, my son got annoyed by something his sister was doing. He got annoyed because a quirk of neurodiverse people is that they can lose it if something does not fit their rules and expectations. One thing I’ve learned is that my son is completely bothered by open food containers.

Royce hates things being left open like that. He’s gotten on my case about leaving the lid of my water bottle open while it is on the table in front of me. I do keep it closed most of the time, because I usually have it somewhere where it could accidentally get knocked over. But while I’m setting at the table eating, it just didn’t seem necessary.

You see, neurodiverse people tend to need things not to change, to stay in the same order pattern. And rules are absolute. Once a rule is set, it must never be broken.

A few years ago, we had an issue with fruit flies. Even when we thought we’d got rid of them, they’d come back. AND those tiny flies were getting into lots of things. Like our salt and pepper shakers. We started keeping lids on our shakers and apparently my son cannot stand any food or drinks to be out without a lid on and closed if they have them.

Well, last night we had hamburgers for dinner. And since my daughter cannot eat the buns she chopped up her patty and was putting it on a Roman lettuce leave then putting ketchup and mustard and chopped pickles on top. One leaf only held a portion of the meat. So, she was using the ketchup and mustard multiple times. Rather than close the lids between uses, she kept them open.

So, yes, it completely annoyed her brother.

Did my daughter care?

Not one bit. She was still eating and wanted them open.

After going back and forth several times on the subject my son began to understand that he could not win the argument by insisting that it annoyed him and there wasn’t a readily available logical response in his favor. He was losing the battle but was not willing to give up.

What did my son do?

He went through the kitchen opening multiple cupboard doors.

Why?

Because his sister hates the cupboards being open unless someone is actively getting into the cupboard for some reason.

Why does this annoy her? Because when we first got this house I told everyone to keep the cupboards closed so people weren’t accidentally hitting their heads on them. Back then it really wasn’t a problem for any of us but their father. Now, I’m the only one in the house that short.

Anyway, the rule was established, To her it is absolute. It is now one of her neurodiverse quirks.

So, he opens several doors and my daughter, now annoyed herself shuts the ketchup and mustard bottles before telling her brother to close the cupboards.

For me, it was simply hilarious watching my kids being so annoyed by such small things to the point of arguing about it. Funnier still was Royce used his sister’s quirk against her so she wouldn’t annoy him with his quirk.

So, in other words, I witnessed this argument because my two children still living at home were displaying the fact that they are both neurodiverse, and it does affect behaviors, which can display in interactions with others. Like a little quirk that most people can ignore but if you are irritated by it, well, an argument could occur. Or a meltdown.

My daughter did not realize my son’s quirk and was not about to close them. The only reason my son did not have a meltdown was because he knew his sister’s quirk.

So, tit for tat and the argument ended.

And cracked me up.

Smile. Make the day a bright day.

Of Late Nights and Big Frights by Konnie Enos

Recently something happened that resulted from a combination of things.

I think I’ve mentioned before that Melinda adheres to the old saying “early to bed, early to rise”. She is also extremely sensitive to noise and cannot sleep with lights on. I understand that last one because I found it difficult to sleep with lights on too.

Nobody else in the family goes to bed before ten so when she does, we shut off as many lights as possible, shut our doors, and limit the noise we make. We don’t do this merely to be nice to her. We do it to not “poke the bear”. She doesn’t hit, but she can completely chastise you if you wake her up. Let me tell you, you know you’ve been chewed out even if all she does and glare and slam a door.

Also, because of her noise sensitivity and household arguments about what people were watching/listening to, we mandated that everyone must listen with headphones unless everyone else in hearing range agreed with whatever was being played, be it a song, show, or game. With Melinda, hearing range includes anywhere within our house, even with the doors closed.

These two traits are indications of her neurodiversity.

Royce is not nearly as sensitive to sound, and he prefers to be awake at night. At night, he will generally run in the backyard. He also insists on long-sleeved shirts and long pants. His favorite color is black.

These are indications of his neurodiversity.

One thing about me is I cannot sleep with the light on. If Jerry is still awake when I go to bed, I put on my sleep mask. I also cannot have lights suddenly turned on, even if I am awake at the time. It’ll give me a headache. Yes, I have yelled at more than one family member because they flipped on a light without warning me. Usually Jerry.

I should also add that if Jerry goes to sleep before I do, I generally turn out any lights I don’t need so the room is dark enough to sleep. If I go to bed first, I wear my sleep mask.

So now the event of a few days ago.

It was later in the evening. Melinda was long since in bed. I couldn’t hear Royce running in the backyard or moving about in the front room. I assumed he was at least on his tech, if not asleep too. Jerry was snoring beside me. Not being tired yet, I decided to watch an episode of a show I like online.

With that in mind, I logged onto my computer and the necessary site. I then made sure the lights were all out and I had my headphones on.

My nice over-the-ear headphones that make it somewhere between difficult and impossible for me to hear outside noises. Headphones that I often have off of one ear during the day if I’m listening to something, so I don’t miss anything.

Now, the show I chose to watch sitting in a dark room with all other sounds cut off was a crime drama. I can feel Jerry sleeping beside me, know Melinda’s asleep, and cannot hear if Royce is even awake. Though, since I hadn’t heard Royce before I put them on, I assume I’m the only one up.

Just as I get to a rather tense scene. You know the ones where the music lets you know something scary is going to happen. Someone touched my left hand.

I kid you not. I jumped. Jerry is on my right. I look up and cannot see anyone in the dark room. I know from experience throwing my headphones off will take my glasses with it and I was positive I didn’t want to be blind at that moment. With one hand I shoved my headphones off an ear while with the other I reached for my reading light.

Taking the headphones off allowed me to hear Royce calling me. Turning on my light helped me to see him in all his dark clothes.

And yes, he did tell me he tried a couple of times to get my attention before he touched me. But he did not yell so as not to incur Melinda’s wrath and he did not turn on the light not wanting me to yell at him. Probably because my yelling would have invoked Melinda’s ire. She’d also be intelligent enough to figure out he was the one who started it. In other words, he would have gotten it twice.

I’d tell you why he needed my attention at that hour but as I said it was a few days ago and I honestly can’t remember.

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.