Growing up in the good ol’ days before everyone carried their phones in their pockets, we were always instructed that it was rude to call anyone before 8 a.m. or after 9 p.m. If you knew they worked ‘9 to 5’ you had about three hours in the evening when they might be available to talk.
There were, of course, exceptions to this rule. Such as calling someone you know stayed up later, or who was expecting your late call. And late calls did happen because long-distance calls were cheaper after 10 p.m.
Of course, you also couldn’t get ahold of someone who wasn’t home, or at least in a known location with a phone number you knew or could get. But no one was calling people at work just to chat either.
But to this day, anyone who grew up in that era will panic if their phone rings unexpectedly after 9 p.m. or before 8 a.m. I’ve done it myself and was extremely irritated when a spammer woke me at 6 a.m. I’m sure others will agree with me that there are just sometimes of the day when you absolutely shouldn’t be calling anyone.
Now, the one thing I learned about this piece of etiquette is that you have to know the time differences between time zones so you’re not calling someone too early or late. For example, someone in New York can call someone in California at 11 p.m. because it’s only 8 p.m. in California. But California can’t call New York at 8 p.m. without first arranging the time.
Now that I have children on both coasts (Massachusetts and Oregon), not to mention family in Utah and Idaho, I have to remember the time difference before calling any of my family.
Okay, so four of my five kids live in the same time zone as I do. But two of those don’t live with me and I never remember their daily schedules.
Who am I kidding? I don’t know my son's schedule other than if it’s daytime, he’s probably working. I’m sure he gets a day off here and there, but I don’t know when it is.
My daughter does tell me her schedule, but their wake-sleep cycle is different and I’m never sure when they are awake. And my sister is active enough that between her jobs, friends, clubs, and groups, I’m never sure she’s home, at least during the day. I can generally catch her on weekends and evenings.
Our oldest son does have night owl tendencies but is working a daytime job. Even then I doubt he’d be in bed before 10 p.m. so 9 might not be too late to call him. Then again he’s had jobs where he had to be to work before 7 a.m. so he might be in bed by 9. The conclusion is that since I don’t know his work schedule, I don’t know the best time to call him.
Then again, he’s a twenty-something. He has told me more than once that he prefers people to text him. Then he can deal with it when it’s convenient for him. And apparently, that’s the mind set of most twenty-somethings. Even Bonnie and I have gotten into the habit of texting our questions or whatever we want to say to each other. Once in a while one of us asks if the other can talk which then leads to one of us, usually Bonnie, texting, “Call me”.
Thinking about sending a text just brought me to the realization that the new phone etiquette is ‘always text someone before you call them to be sure they are willing and able to talk to you at that moment’.
So, what brought all this musing on?
My husband.
It was inching past 9 p.m. and he asked if it was too late to call our son.
After I thought about it a moment or two (see my musing above) I told Jerry I had no idea if it was a good time or not but also mentioned how Bonnie would react if he called her.
He said, “Okay, I’ll call Bonnie.”
“You will not. She’ll panic.”
“I’ll call from your phone.”
“You will not. If you called from my phone, especially this late at night, she’d think something happened to me and really panic.”
(Don’t worry, Bonnie. I think he was teasing.)
He finally said, “Fine. I’ll just text.”
(Pretty sure he meant our son because Bonnie didn’t call me in a panic when his text woke her up.)
Anyway, that was my moment of clarity and my “I just got to write that down” inspiration.
Smile. Make the day a brighter day.
