YouTube and Raising Children by Bonnie Le Hamilton

 

Recently, I saw a YouTube post in which a mother told her nanny, “Don’t parent my child.” I was totally confused as to why the mother would say such a thing.

From what the nanny said, she dealt with two preschool-aged kids, throwing heavy and or breakable objects at her face, tossing food everywhere, scribbling on the nanny and the walls and furniture, and even more concerning, doing things that jeopardized their five-month-old younger sibling. The nanny herself had been punched, kicked, and bitten, as well.

And I’m totally confused as to why this mother thought it wasn’t in the purview of a nanny to discipline her children let alone how this mother thought a professional caregiver could take care of children that old without disciplining them.

Man, am I glad I don’t babysit anymore! I can’t imagine taking care of children for several hours without having to correct their behavior. For any mother to think that the help shouldn’t need to do so is massively narrow-minded or just plain stupid.

To give you an idea about how dumb this is, I once performed a skit in a high school drama competition all about what a holy terror kids can be when left with a babysitter, based mostly on an incident that happened to me with a family of boys who were highly mischievous, and I never had to deal with the things this nanny in the post had to deal with.

I mean, this post was not about kids testing the limits, but rather about kids who have probably never been told “no” which totally brings to mind an old movie about a girl named Tammy who lived on a houseboat, and how she got a job tending four boys for the evening; four ill-behaved cretins who she soon taught some manners to, only to discover when the parents returned home that they never used the word “no” with their children.

Tammy, being the naive country girl she was, couldn’t understand how it was possible to raise well-behaved children without telling them “no” once in a while.

Frankly, being the mature woman I am, I know, what you get from never disciplining your children is a bunch of mannerless entitled brats.

I’m sure many of you have heard the saying, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” It is an accurate saying. And I am not saying beat your children into submission, nor am I advocating spanking. Those really don’t work anyway. But this saying could be reworded to say, “Refrain from teaching children manners, and setting limits on them, and you spoil the child, i.e. you turn them into entitled brats who refuse to take no for an answer.”

If you want a more modern take on the subject, read Harry Potter, and note how the Dursleys raise their son. This is a prime example of how to spoil a child, or in other words, raise a brat.

And yes, I said, read the books. Those movies leave way too much out! You will not get the full picture of how awful Mr. and Mrs. Dursley were as parents from the movies.

Then again, watching the movies you don’t get to see how useful Ron was to Harry, mostly because lines he actually said in the books were given to Hermione. Case in point, the scene just after Malfoy called Hermione a filthy mudblood. Everything Hermione later says in Hagrid’s hut telling Harry what mudblood means were actually Ron’s words.

In the book, Hermione was as lost about why Ron reacted the way he did to Malfoy’s slur as Harry was, rightfully so, because both Hermione and Harry were raised in the muggle world not the wizarding world. They didn’t know the wizarding world’s social mores. I particularly like the scene where Ron doesn’t know any of the children’s stories Hermione and Harry grew up with but could tell them a whole list of stories he grew up with. Well written actually.

Of course, the movies also leave out the best bits about Ginny and who she really was. Ginny was one strong and forthright little lady. She could stand up against anybody, but then she did have six big brothers.

Anyway, I’ve found that books are always better than movies and I know, that not teaching children manners is what’s wrong with the world today. Don’t beat them; teach them! Gently train them to be considerate and kind.

Happy writing everyone!

Of Neurodiversity, Quirks, and Arguments by Konnie Enos

Yesterday evening we all sat down at the table together to eat dinner, which in and of itself was an anomaly.

Meals in the house are usually when each individual is hungry. When we do cook a meal (which admittedly isn’t everyday) one or more persons is not eating right when the food is ready but reheating some later. We tend to keep leftovers in the fridge for this reason. And even if we do set down together to dish up, it is not uncommon for one or more of us to take our food to our room after we’ve dished up. (Usually the men in our house.)

Or, like yesterday, someone eats faster than the others and leaves the table well before anyone else is done eating. This is usually my husband simply because he eats the smallest portions of all of us.

After my husband had left the room, my son got annoyed by something his sister was doing. He got annoyed because a quirk of neurodiverse people is that they can lose it if something does not fit their rules and expectations. One thing I’ve learned is that my son is completely bothered by open food containers.

Royce hates things being left open like that. He’s gotten on my case about leaving the lid of my water bottle open while it is on the table in front of me. I do keep it closed most of the time, because I usually have it somewhere where it could accidentally get knocked over. But while I’m setting at the table eating, it just didn’t seem necessary.

You see, neurodiverse people tend to need things not to change, to stay in the same order pattern. And rules are absolute. Once a rule is set, it must never be broken.

A few years ago, we had an issue with fruit flies. Even when we thought we’d got rid of them, they’d come back. AND those tiny flies were getting into lots of things. Like our salt and pepper shakers. We started keeping lids on our shakers and apparently my son cannot stand any food or drinks to be out without a lid on and closed if they have them.

Well, last night we had hamburgers for dinner. And since my daughter cannot eat the buns she chopped up her patty and was putting it on a Roman lettuce leave then putting ketchup and mustard and chopped pickles on top. One leaf only held a portion of the meat. So, she was using the ketchup and mustard multiple times. Rather than close the lids between uses, she kept them open.

So, yes, it completely annoyed her brother.

Did my daughter care?

Not one bit. She was still eating and wanted them open.

After going back and forth several times on the subject my son began to understand that he could not win the argument by insisting that it annoyed him and there wasn’t a readily available logical response in his favor. He was losing the battle but was not willing to give up.

What did my son do?

He went through the kitchen opening multiple cupboard doors.

Why?

Because his sister hates the cupboards being open unless someone is actively getting into the cupboard for some reason.

Why does this annoy her? Because when we first got this house I told everyone to keep the cupboards closed so people weren’t accidentally hitting their heads on them. Back then it really wasn’t a problem for any of us but their father. Now, I’m the only one in the house that short.

Anyway, the rule was established, To her it is absolute. It is now one of her neurodiverse quirks.

So, he opens several doors and my daughter, now annoyed herself shuts the ketchup and mustard bottles before telling her brother to close the cupboards.

For me, it was simply hilarious watching my kids being so annoyed by such small things to the point of arguing about it. Funnier still was Royce used his sister’s quirk against her so she wouldn’t annoy him with his quirk.

So, in other words, I witnessed this argument because my two children still living at home were displaying the fact that they are both neurodiverse, and it does affect behaviors, which can display in interactions with others. Like a little quirk that most people can ignore but if you are irritated by it, well, an argument could occur. Or a meltdown.

My daughter did not realize my son’s quirk and was not about to close them. The only reason my son did not have a meltdown was because he knew his sister’s quirk.

So, tit for tat and the argument ended.

And cracked me up.

Smile. Make the day a bright day.

Using Commonsense by Bonnie Le Hamilton

It is that time of year again when so many people start spouting off, “If you’re cold, they’re cold!” These people are not only insisting that pet owners bring their pets inside, apparently, they are calling the police on the pet owners for animal cruelty.

The issue with this is that they are calling the police on people who own dogs that originate from areas known for the cold! Sometimes, we are talking about dogs bred to work in cold conditions!

One fellow was forced to put a sweater on his husky because the neighbor kept calling the police because his dog was out in his yard instead of inside. It’s a husky! A breed suited for pulling sleds in the Alaskan wilderness.

And there are other breeds of dog, who have thick coats of fur and love the snow. It is just absurd that anyone would think such fur-coated animals are cold when we humans, who are definitely not fur-coated, are cold.

I do admit there are dog breeds that would not like the cold and would rather be inside during the cold weather. Use some commonsense people. When we are talking about a breed intended for colder climates, it would be sensible to be concerned with them being outside when it is hot instead of inside with the air conditioning.

On another note, someone recently posted on a neighborhood site in my area urging everyone to keep their cats inside because hawks and owls are in this area, and they could take off with said cats.

Again, use some common sense! Full-grown hawks and owls are not generally that heavy, which is why they focus on smaller rodents for their meals. A kitten might be in danger of being snatched by one of these birds, but not a full-grown cat. An eagle would be able to manage that kind of weight, but not a hawk or owl, neither of which tops more than five pounds. A standard house cat can get up to fourteen pounds, and Main Coons are even bigger than that.

Now I admit all three birds of prey can be found in the less densely populated regions around here closer to the Reservation or the woods, but they have not been seen in the middle of the city. Especially the eagle. So, the likelihood of a cat being killed by birds is slim at best.

I admit that there is the danger of cars in the city, but that isn’t going to stop some cats from going outside. Mine included. Some cats are fearless. He’s also slightly bigger than standard.

I figure if he has a way to get inside on his own, which he does, he’s perfectly safe. He can run and hide inside if danger comes around. And he does. Anytime a delivery driver shows up when he’s outside, he charges inside to hide under my bed.

All I’m really saying is don’t dictate to other people what you deem to be the best way to raise a pet when you are not used to that breed. And I’m sure Konnie will agree with me because in their house they have or have had dogs that enjoy the cooler temperatures and dogs that prefer the warmer temperatures, contingent upon where their breed originated.

I say if the animal isn’t chained to a doghouse or a pole, and has means to get inside on his own, leave them be. Let alone consider the breed as well as the weather.

As for my cat going outside. He sticks close to home and comes inside whenever any unknown person comes into the area. I’m sure, if he deemed a bird of prey a danger to him, he’d run inside too. But that is a big “if” since I’ve never seen any such bird in the city, in the countryside, but not the city. And, again, hawks and owls are not big enough to carry off a full-grown cat!

And even as I write about using common sense, I despair that far too many people out there don’t have any. I see too many instances of stupidity happening online on a daily basis to conclude that people do not have the ability to use their brains before they act or speak.

Not just the people calling the cops because a pet with a heavy fur coat is outside in the cold, but also for all the people who seem to think that a person is only disabled when the disability is noticeable at first sight.

I constantly find myself wondering when someone is going to approach me and insist, that I’m not disabled, despite my disabled plates. Some disabilities are not visible!

Anyway, happy writing everyone, and take sensible care of your pets!

 

Of Red Beard and Persnickety Doors by Konnie Enos

 

Yesterday, I was sitting on my bed doing something on my computer when my attention was momentarily grabbed by the sound of the nearby bathroom closing. I glanced up, not expecting to see much if someone had just gone in there. However, I did see my son walking away from the bathroom.

Now I know I did not mix him up with any other member of the family because well, he’s huge. Maybe not by most standards because he isn’t even six feet tall. However, he is more than 50 pounds heavier than his dad and sister, not to mention about 5 inches taller. He’s nearly 11 inches taller than I am.

But beyond his obvious size, he is also the only person in this household with whiskers since my husband is clean shaven. Then again, if my husband had a beard, it would be as white as his hair is. My brunette-haired son has an obvious red beard. Even if his brother still lived here and was growing out his beard, his brother’s beard is the same color of his hair (which is brown).

This is all to say that my son sticks out. I could not have mixed him up with any other family member.

I assumed because the bathroom door was clearly shut, one of the other two family members had gone in there as he was coming out. Since my husband tends to spend quite a bit of time in the bathroom, I assumed it was him.

Now to what happened a few minutes later.

I needed to use the bathroom, but I had not seen anyone else come out of or otherwise anywhere near the bathroom. My husband had come into our room, and I asked if anyone was in it.

Not only did he not know, but he said he hadn’t been in there or where he could have seen the door, though he did comment that the door was closed.

Normally, if it’s closed I’ll just hurry to the other bathroom. This time, I decided to check merely because I had not seen my daughter near it, and I could hear my son talking to someone in his bedroom. (I assumed on his phone since no visitors were causing the dogs to react to their presence.)

Since all my family members, including my husband, tend to always remember to lock the bathroom door, I figured if it was locked, I’d ask who was in there. Though my option was my daughter since I was talking to my husband and could hear my son.

The door wasn’t locked, and the bathroom was empty.

Well, when I was done using the facilities, and making sure I left the door open, I went to my son’s bedroom, stuck my head in and chewed him out for shutting the door.

I then promptly returned to my room.

It was sometime later, after he got off his phone call, he came to discuss it with me.

He insisted he hadn’t shut the door though did indicate that he often pushes it so close to shut that I cannot tell the difference from my bed.

Okay, true. I do generally have difficulty telling if it is latched or not from my bed. However, this time I had gone up to the door and grasped the handle. If it hadn’t been completely latched it would have moved. It didn’t. I had to turn the knob to unlatch it.

My son maintains that he did not shut the door. The evidence suggests that he did.

He even admitted that his dad was in the other bathroom when he went into the nearest one so there was no reason for his dad to go in there.

I also know it was not my daughter. Not only because I had not seen her, but because she never closes the door when she’s done. She always leaves it most of the way ajar.

On the other hand, Royce is notorious for closing it far enough for it to appear completely closed. Though I can’t say he’s the only one because I’ve done it occasionally and I’ve seen my husband do it.

Due to that bathroom being tiny, the door opens out. So, as you are leaving it is really easy to put enough backward motion on the door for it to swing mostly shut. I can only assume that’s what my son did yesterday.

Although to accept that outcome, I also have to assume that the persnickety bathroom door that prefers to be slammed, firmly pulled or otherwise have some real effort put into it before it will fully latch, actually did so without any effort at all.

It’s mind blowing.

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.

To-Do Lists and Me by Bonnie Le Hamilton

My To-Do List is never as long or detailed as Konnie’s, but yesterday, I woke up with a few things I needed to get done.

The only problem is that I didn’t manage to get any of them done, and honestly, a few of them have been on my To-Do List for quite a while. I keep trying to tell myself to work harder at getting them done, and I even wrote a list some time ago, but actually remembering it and getting stuff done off that list? That’s another issue altogether.

This last week, I set one single goal for several days in a row, which I did because I didn’t manage to get it done until the fourth day. This week, I have another goal, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get it done. I should have managed it yesterday, but I just couldn’t work up the gumption.

Honestly, not being able to work up the gumption was what took me four days to accomplish my previous goal. It’s a good thing I don’t have any deadlines to meet because I’m getting nowhere fast.

Of course, unlike Konnie, I have issues with getting things done that have nothing to do with outside forces. I can goof off all day even when I have things I should be getting done.

Konnie on the other hand tends to actively attempt to get through her To-Do List just to have life and family get in her way. The only thing really in my way is my brain being unwilling to concentrate on those tasks “just yet” until I’m yawning every few seconds.

I am, of course, on the spectrum, which would say it all, except part of my problem is how much physical exertion the tasks on my list would require.

Another thing is, Konnie talked about needing to make some calls. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Not for me. Before I can make a call, I have to work out what I’m going to say, and why I’m going to say it, and I have to emotionally prepare myself for the interaction. Making a phone call can take me several days, if not weeks, to accomplish. And the less I can figure out all possible scenarios, the more likely I’ll put off making the call.

I for one can call my sister-in-law or Konnie with no issues, I have to be pretty desperate to call my friend Elizabeth. When it is someone, I don’t know as well, it’s even harder.

And sometimes I just forget I need to make the call until it’s too late in the day.

Actually, I do that a lot.

Then there is the issue of doing things like everyday chores or balancing my checkbook. Those are again things I have to work up the stamina to do them, and, in the case of balancing my checkbook, I have to have the correct amount of alertness, and the precisely required setting in order to accomplice that difficult task.

Konnie doesn’t have my issues with math, or rather numbers.

Though both of us always had difficulty reading a face clock, even back in grade school when we were being taught how to do it. I had to sit there for a minute or two to work out what the time was.

I can remember as a teenager being at the city swimming pool and wanting to know the time. Now that place had a huge clock on the wall in the office that could be seen from the pool if you were by the one lifeguard station. That is if you weren’t nearsighted.

I went up to that lifeguard and asked him what time it was. He pointed at the clock behind him. A clock I could see was there, but without my glasses, I couldn’t see it clearly enough to see the hands.

I told him, “I’m fully aware there’s a clock there, but my glasses are in my locker.”

He told me the time.

I was just glad I couldn’t actually see it clearly enough because that gave me a valid excuse to ask, rather than just look for myself. I promise it was faster to ask. And when the first digital watches came out, I couldn’t wait to get one. No more struggle!

Nowadays, the only time I have to worry about that issue is when I’m at my sister-in-law’s and I am faced with all those clocks everywhere. Sometimes I panic about that, but I don’t need to depend on all those things for the time, so I’m fine. That’s what I get for having a sister-in-law who collects clocks.

As far as I’m concerned, the digital age is wonderful.

Anyway, happy writing everyone!