Equality by Bonnie Le Hamilton

I’ve been thinking a lot about this in the last few weeks. It started on Christmas Day. I had company for lunch in the form of a cousin of mine and my sister-in-law. At one point I went into my bathroom and instantly knew that my cousin had been in there. After using the facilities, I went back out and said to him, “In this house, we put the lid down.”

At the time I put the issue on the fact I have a cat, but in reality, I’ve been putting the lid down for years. The issue started years ago when Tom was still alive. And it began with the age-old argument all wives understand. Yelling at your husband about leaving the seat up.

Tom, like most men, didn’t always remember. But on this occasion, Tom looked me in the eyes and said, “It isn’t fair that I’m the only one adjusting the seat.”

That stopped me because he was right. But how could we possibly make it fair? Women always need the seat down, but men more often need the seat up. What was fair?

It took me a little while of thinking it over, but it seemed clear, the only fair thing was for both us to have to adjust before using the facilities. Meaning the lid, not just the seat, had to be put down after every use. So now, if you walk into my bathroom and the lid is up, I wasn’t the last one in there. On Christmas Day the seat was up, so it was obviously not my sister-in-law.

But that got me thinking about the feminist movement today. I’ve listened to some of what they have to say, and well what they want isn’t equality, but rather superiority.

Ladies, we all are human beings, period. No one is superior to anyone else. If you feel as though you are, you have problems.

Though I have to admit some women are just misguided. They listen to the rhetoric about how women get paid on average less than men, but that is a bull. Go to any company or the government and look at their published pay scales. Do they list separate pays for men over women? Of course not! The men and women working for them get the same pay for doing the same job.

So why do the feminist say men get paid more?

Simple. They are taking the AVERAGE pay of all working women and comparing that to the AVERAGE pay of all working men. In other words, they’re comparing apples to oranges, instead of apple to apples. You see, the problem with averaging is, you are not taking into consideration that women gravitate to jobs like daycare, teacher, secretary, nurse, while men tend to gravitate toward jobs working on oil rigs, mechanics, lawyers, and doctors.

The problem isn’t unequal pay, the problem is unequal distribution between all the occupations. And I think that’s more an issue of personal choice rather than sexism. Though I have to admit there are issues with women breaking into a traditionally male-dominated field, I might point out there are also issues with men breaking into a traditionally female-dominated field.

How often do you think of a nurse as being female?

Men can be nurses too.

Teachers have swung from being male-dominated to being female-dominated, and now I think it’s finally equaling out, but I remember the first time I ever had a male teacher, he was the only one in the school. I was in junior high before I ever saw more than one male teacher in the school, and there were still more women.

And yet, in American history men were often the teacher when our country first started. Nathan Hale was a school teacher. He wasn’t the only one. But as we expanded and families were more spread out, the chore of teaching the children fell to the mothers, and once places were settled enough to have a school, they generally picked one or more of those mothers to do the teaching. Starting a tradition that women were the teachers.

Though at some point they went from having mothers do the teaching to having young unmarried women do it. And they were expected to quit once they married. So even that has changed a lot.

It’s also traditionally men who were doctors and women were nurses. We just need more women to choose to be doctors instead of nurses, and more men to choose to be nurses. Both are worthy jobs.

All I’m saying is that men and women in the same job do get the same pay. And equality isn’t about one side having special privileges or the other. So put the lid down!

Happy writing everyone.

Of Staying at Home Tending a Household by Konnie Enos

Royce sat on my bed, looked right at me and said, “Meli…” He shook his head. “Mom.”

“Did you just mix me up with Melinda?”

“Well, she’s second mom.”

That’s right. My eighteen-year-old son is mixing me up with my twenty-three-year-old daughter all because she’s, for lack of a better description, our household’s stay-at-home-mom. (Yes, we are talking about a young woman who has never married and has no children, unless you count her parakeet, cat, and two dogs.)

Normally I’m the stay-at-home-mom, doing all the grocery shopping, paying all the bills, and chauffeuring my children to various places they need to be while also making futile effort to keep the household clean. I also make sure my husband takes his pills every day, which includes sorting them out into his pill dispenser once a week.

 However, I have recently taken on a full-time job.

I’m still paying the bills and dealing with Jerry’s pills and I occasionally do the dishes or cook a meal.

Since we don’t have children in our household, I can get away with doing a lot less than most mothers. You see all my children are adults.

Other then the pets who reside here, our household consists of six adults capable of doing their own laundry and keeping their own rooms clean. All of us can cook at least enough to stave off starvation. We’re all capable of washing, dishes, cleaning counters/stovetops, and dusting. I’m the only one who can’t sweep and mop the floors.

My oldest son is also working full-time. The oldest of my daughters, still living at home, is taking college classes. The remaining three members of my family consist of my unemployed husband, youngest son and youngest daughter (these last two being Royce and Melinda).

Melinda has taken over nearly all my chores, even grocery shopping.

The work is wearing her out.

I think she’s most tired of the never-ending pile of dishes and having to do all the errands and chauffeuring her siblings around. (She is the only one of her siblings with a license, so far.)

I have made efforts to thank her for all she does but in light of how much she has taken on, I don’t think it’s enough.

My oldest daughter at home and my oldest son have expressed some understanding over how much she has taken on and do make efforts to help her as much as possible. (Note they are the busiest people in the household along with me.)

Royce and my husband, Jerry, appear oblivious.

Just the other day I went to fix something to eat and had to wash every dish I needed to fix my food. I chewed into Royce who was sitting at the table. “Why can’t you do the dishes?”

“I didn’t know they needed done. Nobody said anything to me.”

“You can’t see the counter stacked with dirty dishes or notice there aren’t any clean ones in the cupboard?” He shrugged. I continued. “You’re an adult know. You should be intelligent enough to notice when something needs done.”

I continued to chew him out and, with some help from his siblings, I eventually got him to do the dishes. I will probably have to repeat it to get him to do them again.

My husband?

I had honestly thought I’d cured him of such old-fashioned thinking, but as soon as he had his disability payments coming in he refused to help with any of the daily tasks to keep a household running smoothly because “I do my part by bringing in the money.”

Yes, he said that.

I’ve yet to dissuade him from this line of thinking.

So with him refusing to do much if anything around the house and always brushing tasks I point out that needs done onto our children it’s understandable why Royce is so insisting he does enough when we have to fight him to do barely his share. It also explains why my daughter is not getting sufficient help because, frankly, running a household takes the efforts of every able-bodied member.

Unless of course, you think it’s okay to overwork and stress out one family member so everyone else can pretty much do as they please.

That’s why I’m in awe of what my daughter can accomplish and I wish she didn’t have to take on so much. She deserves a medal. Every stay-at-home parent deserves recognition for their effort in caring for their home and family.

Maybe we should institute a national stay-at-home parent’s day. On this day, all such parents get to leave house and home and do something they enjoy while their spouse has to figure out how to take care of everything.

Who’s with me?

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.

A Goal Without a Plan by Bonnie Le Hamilton

A goal without a plan is just a wish.

Problem is plans take a lot of effort to make.

First you need to figure out what your goal is.

Easier said than done, isn’t it? I mean, how do you decide what that is? I’m not even sure, but I know one thing, I want to write. Of course, I also want to help my community (hence volunteering at the local visitors center) and I want to help my church (hence my mission to work at the digitizing center) and I want to help my family as much as I can (hence me giving rides to my cousin and sister-in-law all the time).

Frankly it’s a wonder I have time to do things like paying my bills, running my errands, and doing my housework, let alone reading for my book club, and my scripture studies. Oh, and I have a cat now, I have things to do to take care of him too.

So, where does my writing fit in all that?

Right now, I need to work harder on that one.

Then again, I need to work harder on finding more time to study my scriptures too.

And that doesn’t even count my crafts, and I have so many craft projects, it’s a wonder I ever get anything done, especially since Patches likes to curl up on my stomach whenever I’m sitting down; either that or my feet, so no matter what, when I want to get up, I usually have to move Patches to do it.

When I need to get chores done, or even just take care of the call of nature, I have to move Patches, period.

Making goals for the new year won’t be easy when I’m having so much trouble getting things done today. And to make a plan to achieve those goals, where do I start?

Well, I guess watching less TV might work, except I watch TV when I’m working on my crafts and I also have it on when I’m doing things like balancing my checkbook (it helps me concentrate for some reason – I hate math).

About all I can think of is stop playing so many games on my phone. Way easier said than done. I’m already trying. I’ll keep working on it. I’d delete them except I only have three and they are all the kind intended to keep a brain active and challenged, good for an aging memory kind of stuff. And I did delete a bunch of others, I’m even keeping it to just three. You should have seen it before, but somehow, I get the feeling I should delete one more. I even know which one. I haven’t decided yet.

Anyway, I’m trying. And I am way busy. But not as busy as Konnie, as usual.

Aside from taking care of her family, she is temporarily working full-time for the census. If this not for this being a holiday, she'd be at work right now. So again, our lives are very different. And that doesn’t even include that I do more crafts than she does. And it isn’t just because I have more time. I am into way more crafts than Konnie is, period.

I crochet (so does she), I knit (she did learn at one point), I sew and quilt (she can too, but hasn't done in years), I also work a bit with plastic canvas and do beading, neither of which she's done.

And of course, we both write. That’s a craft, right? It certainly takes creativity to do it.

So, I want to make goals for writing, my crafts, my spirituality, and my health for 2020.

Meaning I really need to define what each goal is to start.

Not easy.

Once that is done, I need to break each goal down by month, week, and sometimes even daily. And most importantly I need to write them down.

Now Konnie may set a goal, probably not, but I do know what it would be. She’d say she’s going to finish her opus. Of course, unlike me, she’s pretty organized, and math is a cinch for her. One way we’re opposites. No, wait, two ways.

I am by far not organized! Never have been, and that is the main goal I’ve had for years, get better organized.

Problem is, I never write down monthly and weekly goals, I never set deadlines, I just don’t get beyond stage one of goal setting, which brings me back to the quote “a goal without a plan is just a wish.” I need to stop wishing and start planning. What about you?

Happy writing, everyone! And have a Happy New Year!

Happy Holidays! by Konnie Enos

In all the hustle and bustle of having family here to visit, actually working a full-time job and preparing for today I completely spaced that I had a post to do today.

Yesterday instead of writing anything. I helped prepare things for a Christmas feast today and went with my daughter, her husband, and my granddaughter to the Giving Machine and we each picked out something to give.

If you're interested, they are still up and accepting donations through January 2, 2020. You can find locations here , just scroll down.

Now I need to be starting preparations to get our turkey in the oven, and after dinner, we're going to have family game time. Thanks to my sons, I'm positive one of those games is going to be a D and D session. Should be interesting.

Have fun today and to all my friends. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Solstice, and have a Happy New Year. And Happy Holidays (in case I missed any.)

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.

Jacki and Christmas by Bonnie Le Hamilton

Christmas is exactly one week away, and this week I’ve been thinking a lot about the kids in the above picture. Mostly about the girl in the bottom left corner. Jacki, better known as Dictionary. I’ve mentioned her before, but what I’ve been remembering about her has something to do with the coming holiday.

I know I’ve told the story of when she taught me to spell brother. That’s one story still talked about in the family all the time, but this one isn’t so funny, just profound.

Jacki taught me how to spell a lot of words actually, but the one that means the most to me is Christmas. I was having as much trouble with that one as I was having with spelling brother then she looked at me and said, “Can you spell Christ?”

I nodded and spelled, “C – H – R – I – S – T.”

“Good. Now spell mass.”

“M – A – S – S.”

“Okay, now drop an ‘S’ and put them together.”

“C – H – R – I – S – T – M – A – S.”

“You just spelled Christmas!”

All this came clearly to my mind on Sunday when one of the speakers at church mentioned that Christmas stands for Christ’s Mass, a time to celebrate and worship Christ in the ancient Catholic church.

In other words, Christmas is all about Christ, which reminds me of another event that happened several years after I learned how to spell Christmas. I was around thirteen or fourteen when I noticed a sign painted in a shop for the holiday season, but it didn’t say, “Merry Christmas!” it said, “Merry X-mas!”

It appalled me. It still does, because it’s taking Christ out of Christmas! This is so wrong. 

The above is just one picture of my living room, its a few years old, but I can tell you it wasn't Christmas when I took it.

I think I’ve mentioned it before, but when I was in that accident a couple years ago, a couple friends came to my place to give me a blessing. One of the two friends had been to my place before, he knew about my collection, the other hadn’t. When he walked into my apartment, he said, “Oh, you’ve already decorated for Christmas!”

It was in early November and my tree wasn’t up yet. My Nativities were all over, as they are year-round, but that’s because I don’t want to worship my Savior just at Christmas or Easter, I want to worship him every day of the week.

Frankly, I never understood why people only display their Nativities at this time of year. Why limit it? Does that mean you only worship him at this time of year, but not the rest of the year?

And then there are all those decorations people put up at Easter. I don’t get those. The only décor I’ve seen at that time of year that actually has to do with Christ is the cross, something we don’t use in our faith, but everything else has to do with the Easter bunny, colored eggs, and candy.

Then again, the majority of the décor for this time of year has to do with snowmen, Santa, reindeer, Christmas stockings, toys, and candy. None of it has anything to do with the original intent of either holiday. They have become commercial opportunities and possibly some time off, but little else.

And what of the rest of the year?

This makes me think of the people who only show up at church at this time of year. Growing up, I always participated in the midnight services at the Lutheran church I grew up attending until I converted, and every year as the children’s choir paraded into the sanctuary, I was always surprised at how full the pews were. Way more people than normally showed up at the regular Sunday Services.

And the thing is I still see it. People who only show up at church for special occasions. I admit, in my church, it is often because all the extras are family who are visiting for the holiday or a special family event, but there are still a few who should attend our “congregation” every week, and don’t.

Then again, Jesus Christ never said attending church every week makes you righteous, nor did he say decorating our homes for Christmas or Easter makes you a devout member. In fact, its more the opposite. He doesn’t want us to worship him only a few days out of the year. He wants us to worship him twenty-four/seven, 365 days a year.

So, I guess it doesn’t matter if someone spells it X-Mass or Christmas, what matters is if your focus is on the presents under the tree or the babe in a manager.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

And Happy Writing.

Light the World part 2 by Bonnie Le Hamilton

This should be Konnie's turn to post, but she's been busy trying hard to take care of her family's many health issues and just trying to prepare for Christmas among all that chaos. On the other hand, I've been busy with my mission, volunteer work, and playing chauffeur to my cousin and sister-in-law. As such, I didn't even notice that she hadn't yet scheduled a post until late last night, which seems to be hours before she realized it.

I'd have called her then but it was well after 10 her time at that point.

Oh, well.

Happy writing everyone!

And Merry Christmas!

Light the World by Bonnie Le Hamilton

Yesterday morning, as I was doing my good deed of the day by giving my cousin a ride, someone else did me a good deed. I was singling to turn out of the parking lot at his apartment when the nearby light turned red, and traffic was starting to back up. I figured we’d be stuck there until the light changed, right up until one fellow in a white pickup stopped well short of that driveway, allowing me to enter the flow of traffic as soon as the light turned green!

What a nice change of pace. I just wish I could give this stranger a shout out by name. I also wish people would do good deeds all year round, not just at Christmas time.

I for one try to help when I can. Ergo giving my cousin that ride. I’m not doing it because it’s December, I’m not doing it for #Lighttheworld, I’m doing it because he’s family and he needs rides. This isn’t a December thing and I won’t stop once December is over.

I’ll keep giving him and my sister-in-law rides year-round. Just like I offer the local sister missionaries rides. Giving people rides is something I can do, and I will do it no matter what time of year it is.

Like back in January or February when I was leaving my friend’s house as a woman walking past and she asked me if there was a bus stop along that road.

“Um, not that I know of, but I don’t live on this street.”

She thanked me and kept walking, as I got in my car all I could think about was the Winco bags she had, and the fact she couldn’t be all that close to home if she was asking about the bus, and about how cold it was. I got in my car, caught up with her, and offered her a ride.

Turns out she was clear across town from where she lived. It would have taken her hours to walk that far. I’m glad I offered her a ride.

On the converse, I’m appreciative of all the people who were so willing to give me rides when I was without a car for two years. The list is so long I’m sure I couldn’t name them all, but I’m going to try.

We can start with Dan Clark who dropped everything to come pick up me and my sister-in-law the night of the accident, and Jessica Baxter who hurried over to watch his boys so he could do so! And of course, to Jessica again for all the rides she willingly gave me over the time I was without a car, thanks so much.

Others who gave me rides were Sister Moore, Danie Renee Corral, several members of the Burgoyne family, the Bishop, Brother and Sister Henry, Brother and Sister Wardrip, and Sister Buckley, and then some, but that doesn’t cover all the people who gave me rides years ago when Tom had the car or that one time when our car was in the shop.

So, I have to give shout-outs to the likes of Sister Harmon, Ann Loveland, and several other sisters from my old ward (congregation) who gave me lifts when I needed them. Most importantly, I want to acknowledge Ann Loveland, who out of the blue called me saying she got to thinking about me stuck at home all day without a car (knowing that unlike her and her husband, we only had one vehicle) and offered to give me rides to town, since she went into town every Monday thru Friday afternoon.

She had no way of knowing our car had just gone into the shop, and while Tom had a ride to and from work, we had no way to get to the store, or that I had been praying for a way to get to the store. Her offer was a Godsend and an answer to my prayers.

But I know other people who are so in tune with the Holy Spirit that they are just there when you need them most.

Julia Rasmussen is another one. She seems to always be the first to know when someone needs help and she’s there to offer whatever service she can. She’s more than a friend, she’s a true servant of the Lord. I’m thankful for all these people in my life, and so many more, I know I haven’t named them all. I doubt I could remember all the names of people who have given me rides over the years.

Then again, I don’t even know the names of some of the people I’ve given rides to over the years. It wasn’t important.

What is important is sharing that light.

Happy writing everyone. And Merry Christmas!