The Stims by Konnie Enos

I honestly thought I knew what stimming was, but when my daughter started talking about it to me not long ago I found I was somewhat clueless.

You see, I can remember seeing shows where the young autistic boy was sitting and rocking or repeatedly flipping his hands back and forth. I knew people said that was stimming. I didn’t know it was only part of the picture and I should have because I have one child for sure one the spectrum and we suspect two of his now adult sisters as well. However none of them have ever done the “classical” stimming behavior.

So what is stimming?

Stimming is self-stimulating behaviors, usually involving repetitive movements or sounds.

From what I learned, nearly everybody stims in some way at some time. Biting nails, twirling their hair around a finger, drumming fingers, repeatedly tapping a pen or pencil, or constantly humming. Any habit your do to relieve tension, boredom or stress, often when you’re not aware you’re even doing it is stimming.

Usually our stimming behavior is not only harmless, but we can pick up on social cues when it’s annoying others, such as when we are drumming our fingers, and manage to stop. People with Autism don’t always pick up on the social cues and can’t easily stop because they use it to help process their environment in a way they can handle.

Remember I said my children don’t do the “classical” stimming behaviors. Well they have done things that are considered stimming behavior.

At one point my son was pulling out his hair to the point he had bald spots. My one daughter, among other things, bites her nails.

My youngest daughter, the one who brought this topic up? Well in this household we call our hallway hers. If she is home and not in her room studying or the kitchen cooking or eating then you’d better be cautious entering the hallway because she might plow into you. It’s a safe bet she’s there alternating between pacing, running and SKIPPING, up and down it, repeatedly, for hours sometimes.

As I stated, most people stim to relieve stress or boredom. There is the general belief those with Autism use stimming to decrease sensory over load, adapt to an unfamiliar environment, reduce anxiety, calm themselves, vent frustration, and/or avoid certain activities. My daughter says it helps her process information, in other words, her brain works differently. Which is the point. Autistic brains are wired differently, so they process stimulus differently.

Though why my daughter brought it up was because some people advocate the idea of stopping ALL stimming in those with Autism. I’m assuming the people who support this position feel stimming is a purely Autistic behavior and it sets these people apart from normal people and therefore to help them ‘fit in’ they have to stop the stimming.

When she mentioned this, along with a clear description of everything which constitutes stimming I had a very clear vision of me, as a young girl repeating a self-soothing behavior, one I did often without even thinking about it. My father detested me doing this and bopped me on the head, telling me to stop.

Guess what getting bopped on the head did to me.

That’s right. It stressed me out.

So my immediate response was wanting to do the very thing my father did NOT want me to do. In the end I usually left the room so he couldn’t see me. So he only got me to stop it in his presence.

I know Autistic people are wired differently but I simply can’t imagine forcing them to stop is going to have the desired effect any more than it worked on me. Plus I can’t fathom why you even need to unless their behavior is actually harmful to themselves or others or in some cases, IF they are high enough functioning to understand, when it is annoying to those around them. (That constant tapping or drumming can get on your nerves.)

When my son started giving himself bald in spots we shaved his head and pretty much kept it shaved for years. Now those bald spots have grown back and he seems to have outgrown that particular stim. We’ve encouraged my daughter in her efforts to stop biting her nails because she will chew them until she bleeds. Both these stims are self-harming.

Our youngest daughter?

We just tell anyone who visits to be careful in the hallway. It might be a bit annoying to have her going up and down the hall all the time, but she isn’t hurting anybody and we can all live with it.

Sometimes the best way to help people ‘fit in’ is to accept them just as they are. April is Autism awareness month, let’s spread the acceptance and love.

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.