I wish Patches could tell time.
If he could, maybe I could get some more sleep.
As it is, my day usually starts with Patches jumping onto my
abdomen from probably my dresser. Not sure, because my eyes were closed, being
as I was asleep and all. All I know is I get woken up more times than I care to
count by twelve pounds of cat landing in my bread basket!
And when he isn’t trying that, he shoves his nose into my
face!
Have you ever tried to sleep with a cat shoving his cold,
wet nose into your face?
Not fun.
The worst part is he starts way before my alarm is set to go
off! I have even been in the bathroom, after my bladder protested the twelve
pounds of cat bit, when my alarm went off! “Patches, that
means you woke up
early.”
“Meow.”
I can’t tell you how many times I was already up, thanks to
Patches.
Why do I even have an alarm?
I turned the thing off. Who needs an alarm when they have a
cat? Or a dog for that matter?
I have had to push Patches away from me dozens of times, then
when I finally give up, sit up, and grab my glasses, it isn’t even seven in the
morning! Geez.
“Dang, Patches! It isn’t morning yet!”
“Meow,” he says from the window sill. I guess he’s trying to
tell me the sun is up.
Blasted cat.
He doesn’t seem to understand that I was up late the night
before, either reading or writing or usually a little of both.
It was worse a few nights ago.
I stayed up until about midnight writing then I got
comfortable on my bed and did a little reading until around one in the morning.
Then I turned on my oxygen machine, turned out my light, and started to drift
off to sleep.
BEEP BEEP!
I sat up. My oxygen machine was making that noise, but that’s
all it was doing, no air at all. A second later it dawned on me the power was
out. I’d barely been in bed an hour.
I contacted the power company.
They already knew about the outage and promised it would be
about an hour and a half.
I can wait that long.
I start reading again. Two hours later, there’s still now
power.
I called the power company again. It’s going to be another hour
and a half!
Dang.
I have to dig out my charger pack for my phone, the only
light I have. And I keep waiting.
Finally, at around 5:30 in the morning, as the sun is starting
to come up, the power comes on. Great. I can get some sleep now.
An hour later, Oof! “Patches! I just got to bed! Let me
sleep.” I push him away and try to get back to sleep.
Patches doesn’t give up, switching between jumping on my belly
and shoving his nose in my face I have no idea how often or how regularly because
I have no desire to grab my glasses or check my phone.
But eventually, I sit up. “Okay, you win! I’m up!” I put on
my glasses and look at the clock and glare at Patches. “You do realize I only
got to bed like three hours ago, right?”
“Meow.” He stares at me all innocent.
I groan and get about my morning routine, which of course includes
feeding him.
About an hour later I crash for a couple of hours.
When I wake up, it dawns on me I have a fully charged solar
generator!
Why didn’t I go get that? I glare at Patches. “Why didn’t
you remind me I have a solar generator?”
“Meow.”
“Yeah, right. I got that before I got you! How were you
supposed to know?”
“Meow.”
“Yeah. Yeah. You don’t understand a single word I’m saying.”
I only wish he could learn to tell time.
The problem is, he can. He tells time by when his stomach is
empty, because, obviously he’s a cat, not a human being.
Which is why all farmers hate daylight savings time, because
no matter what the clock says, they have to get up and feed the animals, so six
months of the year they’re getting up an hour earlier, but it isn’t really an hour earlier, the clock just says it’s an hour earlier.
Good luck trying to figure that one out if you don’t have
pets or livestock, but the rest of us know.
Clocks have no meaning to animals. When their body says its
time to eat, well, by golly food better be available!
Though knowing this might just add some fun to a story.
Something to think about.
Anyway, happy writing, everyone.
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