Reflections by Konnie Enos

I’m sitting here reflecting on all that has transpired this year as it comes to a close. And my family has been pretty battered by it.

The oldest of Jerry’s brothers passed on and doctors told the youngest of his sisters that her days were numbered. She’s on borrowed time now. We also had three of our pets cross over the Rainbow Bridge. We still have dogs in the house, but they are all seniors. Two of them are 14, so the prospect of losing another one is ever-present.

Thankfully, we have had no major appliances go out this year. (I think we had enough of that in the previous couple of years.) We did, however, lose our car and have some computers die. We went from everyone in the house having their own laptop to four of the five of us sharing one. I was not at all happy when I was included in that number. Considering the age of my phone and tablet, and the fact neither one of them holds a charge for long, I have been planning to replace both all year. You know, just as soon as I could afford it. My laptop was the newest of the three and still worked great.

Royce would disagree with me because it had weird glitzes regularly, but it suddenly losing all ability to charge was unexpected. It might be a repairable issue, but I can’t afford that any more than I can be replacing the phone and tablet.

I suppose it is a plus that the guys in my family do have other tech and don’t get on this computer very often. There has yet to be any conflict when two or more of us needed the laptop at the same time. This, thankfully, means that I can still track our finances and write. Though, predictably, I’m yet again experiencing writer’s block. I’ve had no new ideas for stories nor felt like editing what I do have.

We have had some good things happen this year. The biggest one is that Tony not only found a job that pays well, but he seems to have found a vocation. I have long believed that not everyone needs a college degree because there are trades available with apprenticeships and on-the-job training. All with the plus of good pay. We’ve been telling our boys they should investigate trade schools.

Earlier this year Tony decided to join an electricians’ union. He is a general laborer now and has already applied for their apprenticeship. The last hurdle is an interview, but he’s made a good impression on a few of the journeymen he works with, and they’ve given him some good references. I don’t think it’s going to be a problem for him.

I will say that he is excited about the pay and benefits, but he also enjoys the work. It helps that the work isn’t monotonous. All the other jobs he had were doing the same things day in and day out. Another benefit is he can always go to the union hall and get another position for any reason.

Finally, my health has been lacking, especially in the last few months. I’ve been sick, or at least under the weather, about every couple of weeks for months now. Then this month it’s been the whole month.

Our family was hit with Covid which shut down most outside activity for a couple of weeks. We didn’t even attempt our weekly shopping trip. Then, par for the course, I got a secondary bacterial infection. And if that wasn’t enough, just as I was getting over both of those, I started experiencing yet another major health issue. As in getting an immediate appointment with my doctor.

I’m still in the “let’s run some tests” stage, but my doctor did say there were only two possible causes for my issue. Both would require surgery. In fact, the same surgery could solve both problems.

If that weren’t enough, Melinda is also facing a medical issue. She’s tried a couple of treatments already but at this point, it looks like she too will need surgery in the next few months.

I am sitting here hoping this next year is better for all of us.

I’m hoping Royce and Melinda find jobs or the means to complete their education. I’d like to find even a part-time job. Mostly because Jerry’s fixed income is not keeping up with inflation.

We’ve also discussed getting more pets. My big concern is that Xavier won’t like being the only dog in the house. Not that I expect Gunner or Ivan to die, but they are 14, and there is still the possibility of Melinda moving out.

Anyway, I hope 2024 is a better year for us.

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.

Autism And Me by Bonnie Le Hamilton

 

This last week my niece, Claire, received the official diagnosis she is on the Spectrum. This has been quite a journey for our family.

I can’t remember how long ago it was, a couple of years at least, if not more, but Claire sent her mother (Konnie) an article about adult women who are on the spectrum. Claire sent it to Konnie because she felt the article described herself and she wanted her mother’s opinion. Konnie read the article and found more that described me than it did Claire.

This is not to say that it didn’t describe Claire, it’s just that I do more of the things it listed.

Within a couple of months of reading that article, I went to a psychiatrist who asked me a ton of questions, noted my answers, and sure enough I am on the Spectrum.

Claire had a harder time finding someone who would evaluate her.

Anyway, each time I read more about adult women who have gone undiagnosed and or unrecognized as being on the spectrum, I find something I did or still do.

I have previously mentioned how my mother made excuses for me not looking people in the eye, and my stepmother yelled at me for playing with my hair while I was studying, but I’ve done some other things that were obvious signs.

I recently came across this meme:

Me: I’m Autistic.

My parents: There were no signs.

Me as a child:

n  Eats food in order (in my case my least favorite food to my most favorite food)

n  Wouldn’t wear certain fabrics (or in my case hats)

n  Food aversions (absolutely!)

n  Lining up toys (I don’t recall doing this one)

n  Organizing things in order (I am a little OCD)

n  Extreme obsessions

n  Violent meltdowns (YIP!)

n  Huge imagination (Duh)

n  Couldn’t express feelings (true)

n  Kept getting in trouble for being rude (big time)

n  Scared of social situations

n  Particularly good at problem solving puzzles but not knowing simple things like the meaning of words (I didn’t have this problem, not with Dictionary for a big sister)

n  Repeating sounds or sayings I hear from other people or the TV.

n  Verbally stimming

n  Physically stimming

n  fidgeting

I didn’t do all of these, but I did quite a few. I also have to point out that both of my parents were dead long before Claire read that article, so they never had a chance to say there were no signs, but I think they might have.

Perhaps, I should ask my stepmother her opinion.

Then again, maybe not. I read one meme that stated that Autism is highly genetic. Then it went on to say there is a huge flaw in the diagnosis process where parents are expected to know if there is anything “different” about their child, but well, how are they to know when its likely their whole family is on the spectrum?

Of course, when I was growing up Autism effected only white boys, period, and the big one was that they were nonverbal. Not even the pros of that era would have considered me as being on the spectrum.

I am white, but very much female, and I was never nonverbal. Konnie and I did use “twin speak” when we were little, which is why we took speech therapy in our early years of grade school. And I have mentioned this before. I was never nonverbal; We were just slow to speak in a language the adults around us understood.

This is actually a common problem with twins, particularly identical twins.

But aside from all that, reading up on it, I have found some other things I did or still do that place me on the spectrum.

We can start with scratching and or picking at scabs. Yes, that’s on the list.

Another one is constantly rehearsing conversations or interactions.

May often, fidget, chew, tap, or do other repetitive behaviors.

May struggle with situations that are unfamiliar (absolutely true!)

May chew, rub, or tap certain materials obsessively.

I could go on; the list is pretty long.

What I find most interesting is that on the top of list of “bizarre neurodivergence things” is something called “nesting.” On the spectrum, “Nesting” is having a certain spot, and having certain things nearby to that spot at all times.

You can ask Konnie, I do that.
Nobody, and I mean nobody has any trouble figuring out where I sit in my living room, even if I’m not sitting at the moment.

By the way, I also tend to mimic people in order to blend in. I’ve caught myself doing it a time or two.

Anyway, happy writing everyone! And Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Of Gifts and Birthdays by Konnie Enos

My oldest posted yesterday about the small number of gifts under her Christmas tree, and why they weren’t doing more. She mentioned what Christmas was like growing up, with the effort I put into gift-giving. Which got me thinking about what Christmas was like for me growing up.

Some years, we were lucky if there was anything under the tree or in our stockings. In others, it took us hours to open everything. The big difference was well, Momma couldn’t provide as much as Dad could. There were reasons for this, none of which was Dad being a deadbeat dad. He did all he could. It's just things were better financially the years we lived with him.

Anyway, I never wanted my kids to feel those lean years. I tried so hard.

I scrimped all year, so I’d have some money for gifts. Some years, that even worked. For other years, I pulled together scraps of cloth and yarn and made doll blankets for my girls. One year I put together a simple picture book with construction paper, printer paper, my rough drawings, and a poem I wrote. When I had money, I spent most of it at thrift stores. And I found charities, even Toys for Tots, to sign up for, just to make sure they had something.

One year, I’d managed to sign up for Toys for Tots, made them something (the book), and saved some money for Christmas. On top of Toys for Tots giving us tons, our congregation provided us with a bunch too. It was probably our biggest Christmas.

I remember that year, I was told I could only sign up the kids I already had for Toys for Tots, not the one I was expecting near Christmas. When it came time to pick up what they had for us, my baby was a few days old. They let me pick up a couple of small things for him too because he’d been born a couple of weeks earlier than expected.

Even after our finances became, well, steady, and putting money aside each month for gifts was possible, we’d frequently run into unplanned financial strains, like car repairs. Or replacing broken appliances. The help I sought and some that just found us was always a blessing.

One thing I can say is that my methods of gift-giving have changed over the years. One, I no longer look for charities to help. My kids are adults now, and we have a steady income so I can usually save enough for Christmas. (Usually, baring unforeseen events like replacing appliances or major repairs on expensive items, like cars, or central air conditioning systems.)

There are other changes too.

I used to aim to spend the same amount on everyone. This could end up with one person getting a big stack of less expensive gifts and another getting only one or two more expensive ones.

Then I tried spreading the money out over three or four gifts each. This didn’t allow for nicer gifts but at least everyone was getting the same number. This method also made it difficult to find enough ideas for gifts for everyone.

Then I found the suggestion to get each person exactly three gifts, something they could use (such as clothes), something to read (yes, a book), and something fun.

I tried it for one year. Two family members (who shall remain nameless) complained about the books (for different reasons). I seem to recall one or two (or maybe three) objecting to my choice of useful things (the clothes).

I dropped that idea quickly.

Now I aim for one or two gifts each and try to find things the recipient will appreciate. (And that can be hard with the guys in our family.) To keep in mind my limited funds, I have a price range for each gift. Some I might go over a bit, but others I go under, so I don’t end up not having enough gifts for everyone.

Anyway, we aren’t taking several hours just opening gifts. Hopefully, everyone is getting things they like. (No more complaints.) And on the plus side, I don’t have to spend days, or all night on Christmas Eve, wrapping gifts. This year I finished shopping and had wrapped all but the pet gifts, before Thanksgiving, which is my goal. I can spend December focusing on other things. Like the reason we celebrate Christmas.

I didn’t know I’d be spending this month isolating with covid but at least I don’t have to worry about what I still need to do for Christmas while I’m recuperating. And I’m still remembering that Anthony will be 24 tomorrow.

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.

Car Trouble and Other Accidents

 

Well, National Novel Writers Month is over, and I’m glad I managed to reach 50k so early in the month this time because I didn’t get much beyond that thanks to life getting in the way, and this last week winter got in the way too.

Last Tuesday, while Konnie was probably fretting about her post for the following day, I hurried outside to scrape the ice off my car windows, and only got three windows before I slipped on the frozen over snow and landed hard on my derriere. I guess I should count myself lucky that I have so much natural padding that I only bruised my rear, rather than breaking anything.

The only thing is I ended up spending the week unable to sit up without a bunch of pillows under me. Good thing I have so many. However, it wasn’t good that I couldn’t manage work. Five hours sitting on my bruised behind was bad enough yesterday. Last week was impossible.

And that only added to my problems.

You see, the week before, I got Thanksgiving off (I usually don’t work Fridays, so I had that off too) but a storm came through Wednesday night. Thanksgiving I was socked in by fog. I called my sister-in-law and we agreed to postpone it until Saturday.

Come Saturday the first thing I had to deal with was all the frozen snow on my car. I managed to get all the windows except the windshield, and I couldn’t budge any of it. I ended up getting my very nice neighbor to come out and scrap my window and while he did that, I tried to start my car.

Tried being the operative word. My battery was dead. And being broke I couldn’t call a service to jump me. I called my friend, whose husband has helped me before with my car.

The problem was, he wasn’t home, and had her car. By the end of the day my car was running again but we had already postponed it until Sunday.

We did manage to get together then, and I was followed home by a man for the first time in my life. 

My cousin, Steve, knowing all the car troubles I’ve had lately, insisted on making sure I got home safely, which was actually nice of him.

Then Monday happened. I got up in time for work and hurrying around to get dressed, when I turned wrong, and put my knee out, again. Yeah, I didn’t make it work on Monday last week, then I took my spectacular spill on Tuesday trying to get work on time.

That was a great week. Here I am barely making ends meet and I lost a whole week of work, which didn’t do me any good. By Sunday I was so anxious about my finances that I had trouble sleeping. Then, when I finally did get to sleep, I slept right through my alarm and woke up, still groggy, only to discover I was late for work! As in, I should have already been there. And I was barely awake enough to realize I had to call in.

It was one in the afternoon before I was able to put two coherent thoughts together beyond that. Yeah, it was not a good start to a new week.

And then I woke up yesterday feeling a little sick to my stomach, and I thought I might have to call in again, which I didn’t want to do not just because of the money but because I felt they were getting tired of my excuses, no matter how valid they were.

Thankfully, after getting something to eat, I was able to get out the door. I’d gone out early thinking I might have to at least scrape windows, but a warm front had come in. Temps were up in the fifties.

And yes, Konnie probably thinks that fifty is cold because she’s gotten so used to warmer climates first in coastal Washington and Oregon now in Las Vegas.

The last time I visited her, I had to borrow one of her jackets because my coat was too heavy for the weather, but there was enough of a breeze I needed something. I do recall I borrowed her unlined windbreak; she was using her fleece-lined jacket.

I also recall her friends at church bundled up in parkas and complaining about how cold it was. Remember, I was wearing my sister’s windbreaker not my winter coat, and they were complaining about it being freezing outside.

Right about now, I wish I could move south for the winter. There is no way I would stay there for the summer, too warm! But it would be nice if I could go for the winter.

Anyway, happy writing everyone!