Women Unite by Bonnie Le Hamilton

 

I have to get this off my chest.

Men need to stop blaming women because we can’t control our hormones once a month, then still insist we women always control the men’s hormones. Because, somehow, men can’t control themselves.

Have you really thought that through?

You ridicule us for not being able to control our hormones, and then expect us to control your hormones? Who was the brainiac who came up with this nonsense? I’m willing to bet it was a man who didn’t want to take responsibility for his own actions.

I once read something on online about a high school student who got in trouble with her teacher because her clavicle was showing, enticing HIM. As in:

Oh no! She had the audacity to show up in class with her the neck of her blouse open wide enough to show off her clavicle! She must have done it just to entice her TEACHER!

How is this girl's attire at fault for his weird proclivities?

Look, I will admit some women use their femininity to entice men, but let’s get real here. They show off their cleavage (you know that spot between their breasts, which is a bit lower than the clavicle) and find reasons to bend over in front of the guy to give him a view of either their cleavage or butt. They also flirt, bat eyelashes, and get all touchy-feely.

But showing off her clavicle?

That’s like people going barefoot and getting in trouble because they attracted some creep with a foot fetish. No one can predict what will attract someone else, and they shouldn't be held accountable for that's person's reaction.

But that is basically what women are being told every day. He attacked, but it’s your fault.

That’s like me accusing my husband of cheating when some woman came on to him.

And yes, women often made subtle passes at my husband, frequently with me right there, they never realized he was with me until I moved forward and said something. I’d address Tom, but in a way to make it clear he was mine, i.e. I was letting them know he’s off-limits. (By the way, I trusted Tom. He had women make passes at him when I wasn’t there, and he’d go home and tell me all about it, in disbelief that it even happened.)

But I have heard of men who got upset at their women for dressing up, acting like the women did it to attract other men. The only problem is those same men will cheat on and/or divorce their women, who let themselves go.

Let’s make this clear, they hate it when their women dress up but also hate it when they don’t dress up, ever. No woman can win with such a fool. Leave him!

I’m so glad Tom wasn’t one of them. But jerks like this do exist. Try to steer clear of them if you can. I know it isn’t easy. These men can be charming. I get it. I’m lucky. I know I married a decent guy, and I miss him every day.

But all this has got me thinking of ways I can put some of those stories into my novels. There was one where the female professor took care of egotistical idiots from taking over her class. And this is how:

Once they started to try and explain things to her, she’d ask them to wait a second so she could get a pen and paper and take notes. She’d get them, but she wouldn’t take any notes. When the male student questioned that, she replied, “When you tell me something a didn’t know, I’ll write it down.”

Way to go! Bravo! Clapping here.

I really want to write a story where I can use this professor. 0r maybe the one where a lady was giving a talk on her subject of expertise and a man in the audience told her she didn’t know the subject, and that she needed to read the works of – well he said the last name of someone who apparently wrote a book on the subject.

In response, she moved her hair off her nametag and silently let the idiot know what a fool he was. She was the author!

Nice job.

Or the female undergrad who overheard a classmate complaining about her wearing sweats to class every day. She responded, “I’m here to get my degree, not turn you on.”

I must use that sometime, in fact, every female author should use some of this clap back in their novels.

Let’s change the tide one book at a time!

Happy writing everyone!

Of New Years and Goals by Konnie Enos

 

Every year, at the start of each new one, we hear a lot about making resolutions. We also hear a great deal about people breaking them within a short time. And that’s not counting all the people who never set these yearly goals.

I got to thinking about why so many people fail at them.

To replace a bad habit with a good one, I've heard that you have to consistently do the good one for two weeks. Yet some people can try for a month or more and still peter out. I’m one of those people who gave up doing them several decades ago because I never lasted very long, and I inevitably went back to my old habits.

I hadn’t even attempted to work on any goals in years, and then I started back to school.

For both my first and second semesters, I had two different classes requiring me to commit to one goal. I did, but both semesters I either never really started on them, petered out before the end, or just dropped them as soon as I reported my efforts to the teacher.

I looked at is why I didn’t continue working on them. I’d had some hope that the approach to goals one of my teachers took this last semester would help me stay on track, but I stopped as soon as the semester ended.

So I examined my goals. While doing so, I realized I always completed one of my goals. One that I generally started working on first thing in the morning. I often forgot the rest until I noticed the day was nearly over. Then I’d scramble to do just enough to count it. I wasn’t making good habits.

The one teacher's approach was to have us first write some statements about what we wanted to become. One example was, “I am becoming kinder.” We had to write three or four such statements.

Then we had to write an accountability contract, saying not only who we were accountable to (reporting our failures and success to) but what would be the punishment for failure. The example was worded as a punishment, but the directions said it could be a reward instead. These contracts also had fine print about our acceptable excuses for not doing a goal on any given day.

Most of my classmates followed the example given and chose punishments for failure. One student used a reward instead. He is a young, very social college kid on campus. He said he could go out with friends if he completed his goals the day before. He even followed through and had to miss out on some fun!

This got me thinking about the young man’s positive reinforcements.

What if I set a reward instead of a punishment?

Assuming I’d yet again have an assignment to set and follow through on a goal. I decided to try the accountability contract again with a reward. And since I could complete things I started in the morning, I figured I’d have to make getting the hardest ones done the first part of my new plans.

With this in mind, I reexamined my goals. Tweaked some of them and added a couple of new ones. I made sure I had daily, weekly and monthly goals. I updated my contract, this time with a reward.

I was concerned about starting them, but my desire to attempt this new plan helped me put in the effort.

Since January 1^st, I’ve been getting up every morning, doing my exercises, and studying my scriptures. Not to mention a few other goals.

I’m carefully tracking which ones I complete each day and, at the end of the day, I can honestly say I’ve earned my reward. Well, mostly, I’m still struggling with one of them, but the rest I’m getting down. One day I couldn’t complete a goal in the morning because of time constants, and I felt weird all day until I could finally fit it in.  

I realize it’s only a little over a week, but it’s starting to look like I might just manage to form some good habits this time.

Did you make any New Year’s resolutions? How are they going? How do you motivate yourself to accomplish them?

Here’s to a happy and prosperous New Year!

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.

Winter Driving by Bonnie Le Hamilton

 

Recently, there was a post on Facebook asking for advice on driving in snow.

Konnie’s response was, “Don’t.”

I laughed.

I mean we’re from Idaho!

Of course, I took driver’s ed in high school, in Idaho. While Konnie put off learning to drive until she was serving a mission for our church, in Tennessee,

Yeah, I know how to drive in winter weather, I’d rather not have to if I can get away with it, but I can and do it.

And Konnie has driven in winter too, but she’s spent most of her driving years in Tennessee, Oregon, Washington, and Vegas. All in places that get little if any snow.

Needless to say, Konnie doesn’t have as much experience with driving in the winter. And I avoid the interstate during the winter if I can. Black ice is no fun.

But I have no choice but to drive in this weather. It’s winter here six or more months a year! This reminds me of something that happened to our father soon after we moved to Tacoma back in high school.

A few weeks after we got there, we woke up to find maybe four inches of snow on the ground. If you’re lucky.

So, by our standards, nothing to worry about, it wasn’t even half a foot of snow let alone three or four feet of the stuff! No problem.

Dad left for work, and soon after mine and Konnie’s ride to our early morning religion class arrived. Aside from our ride saying we were lucky they had four-wheel drive because of how DEEP the snow was. When our father got to work, his coworkers weren’t pleased with him.

They had been calling the boss saying they were snowed in when they were driving Jeeps and SUVs, and he told them if Delmar can get to work in his wagon, you can make it.

And well, Delmar did make it in.

And then there was when I lived in Norfolk Virginia.

One time, Tom and I had tickets to the circus. The circus always came to town in February, and for the two previous years, on opening night, snow was predicted. The first time, they predicted only an inch or two. They got more like four.

The next year, they predicted something like four inches. They got closer to a foot of snow during the show, and everyone was stuck at the arena until the streets could be plowed. Over a mere foot of snow!

The next year, when we had tickets for opening night, they predicted we’d get as much as the previous year. Everyone going that night came prepared to spend the night. I decided it might be wise to get there early enough to get underground parking, but other than that we weren’t worried, despite having a baby with us.

On the way from our car to the entrance of the arena, we saw a lot of people with sleeping bags, pillows, and coolers. And when we got in line, everyone was discussing how they prepared to stay the night if need be.

One of the guys looked over our infant and asked Tom what we had available if it snowed.

Tom grinned and said. “My Idaho driver’s license.”

And it did snow that night, no more than a few inches. But when it came time to driving up and out of the underground parking, the company running it had employees there to help push the vehicles up to street level.

Tom watched those guys push a JEEP up to the street, then drove our wagon up there before the guys could get behind us to push.

I looked back; they were dumbfounded.

It wasn’t that much snow! By Idaho standards.

Another time, I had been shopping at the Exchange and it got to be dinnertime. Tom was out to sea, so, instead of waiting until I got home, I took our then only son to the food court to get dinner.

As I sat down, I saw barely even noticeable flakes of snow drifting into the dirt outside the window.

Didn’t bother me, it was melting on contact, meaning the cold ground was too warm. In my Idaho-trained eyes, nothing to worry about.

A minute or two later another patron noticed jumped to his feet, and yelled, “It’s snowing!”

Within seconds, Billy and I were the only customers in the food court.

One of the employees approached me. “Aren’t you going to leave?”

I glanced at the melee in the parking lot, checked my watch, then told the girl, “The roads will be clear in about twenty minutes.”

FYI, I lived a twenty-minute drive away from the Exchange.

BTW, happy birthday today, Jerry! Konnie’s husband.

Happy writing everyone!

Streams of Thought and Unpleasant News by Konnie Enos

 

I’m going to say it right now. I’ve struggled to come up with something to post about today.

I thought about doing one of those “Christmas Letters” where you talk about all the stuff that’s happened in your family in the past year (mostly good). My problem was I couldn’t remember everything that happened and certainly not enough to write a whole post. I even tried reading past Facebook posts to see if it jogged my memory.

I think my past blog posts would jog more memories but I’m not sure about it. Plus that’d be a lot of reading with very little time to do it.

So with scant memories and nothing worth writing about I started searching for other ideas.

Bonnie often writes about her writing but I’ve done almost none this year. Just my posts and my homework assignments. When you are working dawn to dusk four to six days a week trying to get your homework done you don’t have time for much else.

My muse is also not talking to me so I’m still trying to find things to wake it up or waste time. Wasting time is the only one that’s working because I’m sure doing a lot of it.

I got lost down the rabbit hole that is Facebook. Looking at my past posts, the most recent posts on my wall, any little thing that might be interesting. Then there is checking my emails. Between school and whatnot, I’ve got four or five of them. It might be worth a few minutes of my time to get caught up on them.

It does not, however, germinate any ideas for a post.

I should be in bed already and I’m still attempting to get at least an idea for my post and if not that, something to waste my time. Including letting Facebook suck me back in.

Okay, so maybe I’m not going to get any sleep tonight as I struggle to get something written. And it’s not like I haven’t had some ideas. Just none that will fill more than a page. Most of them won’t even fill one line.

It’s times like this that you start wishing for a minor catastrophe to awaken your muse. But around here the most inconvenienced we’ve been is that the toilet in our full bathroom started leaking and needed to be replaced.  

It did cause some headache especially since Jerry, the only person in the family who had ever done such repairs on toilets, had just undergone surgery and couldn’t lift even 10 pounds. Yeah, toilets weigh more than that.

With effort, and asking the right people Royce and Melinda figured it out but the bowl of the toilet cracked open when they accidentally dropped it trying to get it back into place.

Getting a new toilet was another undertaking and took a few days. Fortunately, once they had the new one they were finally able to get it installed and working fairly quickly. The worst part about it was having our only functioning toilet in one bathroom and our only tub in the other one.

So yeah. Minor catastrophe, but not inspiring any muse.

At this point, I’ve even tried getting a few hours of sleep and I’m still not getting any inspiration unless you count a strong desire to get more sleep. I’m surprised I even woke up before my alarm went off.

All my thoughts are running dry.

I did read an article that came out yesterday about the new Social Security payment schedule. Someone thought giving seniors and disabled people less than a week’s notice that their next payment won’t be coming sometime during the first week of the month anymore and some of them won’t be getting their money until the last week of the month was sufficient warning. Meaning in January anyone dependent on Social Security to cover things, like their rent, won’t be able to pay it on time unless they’ve got some savings.

So there are going to be a lot of people dependent on Social Security who are hurting and scrambling to get their bill covered in January because their money isn’t coming at the beginning of the month like it used to. Some people won’t be getting their January payment until nearly the end of the month. Read about the new schedule here.

The only other thing I have to say is happy birthday to my wonderful son-in-law.

I’d give my usual close but I don’t feel like smiling while still digesting how this new Social Security payment schedule is going to be impacting us.

Hopefully, things will be looking better when I post next time.

Christmas and Writing by Bonnie Le Hamilton

 

Oh, Come, All Ye Faithful, Joyful, and triumphant, oh come ye, o come ye to Bethlehem!

Sorry, I couldn’t help it, this is one of my all-time favorite hymns, along with Hark the Harold  Angels Sing, and Silent Night. Yeah, if you didn’t already know, one of my very favorite holidays is coming up this week.

Though I guess you could figure that out just by entering my living room. I have over 130 Nativities on display in the front room alone, and that’s without counting the Nativities ornaments on my tree.

I might also point out that I have no snowmen decorations, and only three “Santa at the manger” decorations, but no other Santa-themed decorations. Is it any wonder that most of my tree decorations are Nativities? (By the way, this is by choice.)

Then again, if you were to enter my living room you might also be able to decern what my second favorite holiday is. The clue is in the middle of the top shelf of the small bookcase by my microwave cart. An Eagle, two Star-Spangled Banner-themed knickknacks, and a replica Liberty Bell.

Figured it out yet?

Another clue is my all-time favorite song from a musical.

That song?

Why it’s, “God Bless America!” from “You’re In The Army Now.”

Other favorite songs are “The Star-Spangled Banner” and “God Bless the USA.”

And no, my love for Independence Day has little to do with its proximity to my own birthday, though I do enjoy that they are so close together.

I love Independence Day because it celebrates the birth of our great nation just as much as I love Christmas because it celebrates the birth of our Redeemer.

I also like Easter (it does celebrate our Redeemer’s resurrection) and Thanksgiving, though I admit that it is at the bottom of my favorite list, mostly because I feel it is better to be thankful every day of the year, not just one. I do enjoy the food and being with family but that is about it.

Independence Day has parades, picnics, and fireworks, and Christmas – well, I love finding just the right gift for my loved ones. Though some are easier to shop for, that’s another issue.

When thinking about holidays, have you considered what your characters do for holidays?

If you are in fantasy or sci-fi you must consider if they have any, and what and when they’d be, and how they celebrate, but in Contemporary novels, you already know what the holidays are, now you need to decide how your characters observe the occasion, and why.

First, you should start with whether your story will cover a period when there is a holiday.

And, since it is so close, let’s just use this time of year as an example.

This time of year, has several different religious or cultural celebrations to choose from, and of course New Year’s Eve, so what festivities will your character take part in, and why? What sort of traditions does your character have for this holiday?

Do they open gifts on Christmas Eve? Or do they celebrate Hanukkah? Are some of their friends Jewish? And there are other celebrations going on around now, too. What are they? How are they celebrated? What are those traditions?

Don’t use one you know nothing about. In this case, you really must write what you know.

So, for me, if I were to write something taking place in December, my main characters are going to celebrate Christmas.

Of course, being one to celebrate Christmas can mean a lot of different things. Some focus on Santa and all the giving and receiving of gifts, others (like me) put little energy into Santa and focus on Christ. Either way, there can be a large variety of traditions for someone to follow.

Some open gifts on Christmas Eve, while others read from the second chapter of Luke on Christmas Eve. Some make candy and cookies in preparation for the big day, while others just buy all the seasonal favorites.

And for that matter, what are your character’s seasonal favorites?

Some people like fruitcake while others loth it. What about your character? Some attend church, but only on this special occasion, while others attend year-round. Some participate in pageants and shows, while others avoid them. Where does your character fall?

For that matter, are there other holidays in your story? I have one story that includes Easter break from school, and April Fools Day. Though my main characters only get annoyed at all the pranks people are pulling, but don’t pull any of their own. How would your character act?

Something to consider, isn’t it?

Anyway, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Writing everyone!

Of Time Crunches and Illness by Konnie Enos

This is finals week, and I was working until quite late on my last few assignments and didn't remember today was Wednesday until I got into bed. I was so tired I had trouble keeping my eyes open by that time.

I had talked to Bonnie about possibly covering for me, but, of course, I had been too busy to realize I needed to let her know I wouldn't be able to write the post.

Since I went to bed so late last night, I got up too late this morning to have sufficient time to write a proper post. And I was able to get ahold of Bonnie only to discover she's not feeling well.

So, my apologies. We'll get one up next week.

And Happy Birthday to my son, Tony.

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.

Karen's and Me

 

There has been a lot on social media about women dubbed as “Karen’s.” I have noted that the physical description of these women is usually on the lines of older, females. Sometimes they even add the adjective, short. In fact, the only part of the descriptions I’ve heard or read is that these women have short hair-cropped hairstyles.

If you don’t know already, Konnie and I are short, middle-aged women. The only difference is that we both have long straight hair, and we are polite. We’re also smart enough to know the difference between a store employee and a fellow customer, unlike a lot of these “Karen’s.”

I just wonder if they need eyes checked, or maybe their head examined, considering all the stores I’ve ever been to the employees all wear either a vest or an apron with the store logo on it and they also have a name tag, also with the store logo on it.

How can anybody mistake a customer for an employee?

I read one where a couple with a young baby were shopping together, but the baby was fussy, so the father was scurrying around getting their groceries and taking them back to his wife who was standing by their cart rocking the baby. He still wearing his coat, and not wearing anything with the store logo on it, but this rude woman ordered him to stop “helping” his wife and help her!

He wasn’t dressed like an employee! What more clue do you need that you were in the wrong woman? I mean, I am a middle-aged woman, and I’m short, but I would never accost anyone, let alone a fellow customer, to assist me.

I’m not saying I don’t ask for assistance; I occasionally do. My method is to look for the closest adult and say, “Excuse me, could you help me for one second?”

You wouldn’t believe how much help you can get that way!

Actually, I read one of those “Karen” stories where a short older woman was trying to reach something on the top shelve and this genuinely nice taller man saw her and offered to reach it for her.

She was in the middle of thanking him when another woman started scolding him for lollygagging and demanded he help her too or she would complain to the store manager and get him fired.

We all know where that went. I’ve met a lot of people like that. I’ve had tons of people offer to help me when I’m not even looking for help. There was one time, I saw what I needed, and I started to stand up out of the electric cart I always use when a woman shopping nearby ran over to me saying, “Let me get that for you!”

Of course, I thanked her, but no “Karen” showed up. I have never met a “Karen.” I’m not sure they exist here. Idaho is mostly nice people.

This brings me to the worst “Karen” story I’ve ever read was about a guy in a wheelchair. This man wore a yellow safety vest, for his safety, and the nearby store he frequented also had their cart wranglers wearing such a vest, as in out in the parking wrangling carts, but theirs had black trim and the company logo, unlike his.

Well, this guy is in the store with a basket of groceries in his lap when a “Karen” approached. At first, she tried clearing her throat to get his attention, but as he wasn’t an employee, he didn’t pay attention. She escalated to grabbing his wheelchair and spinning him around to face her.

That terrified him to the point he went into a panic attack and couldn’t respond, couldn’t find his voice, so she proceeded to push him, against his will, to the store service desk.

Luckily, he was such a frequent customer that the store employees and manager knew him. One of the salesclerks upfront called security the second he saw that woman pushing this guy’s wheelchair.

This encounter ended with “Karen” being arrested for assault because it isn’t just rude to grab an occupied wheelchair without the occupant’s consent it constitutes assault. That Karen did time.

But what I don’t get is how women who are supposed to be in my age group can be so rude? Didn’t their parents teach them any manners? Didn’t they ever learn that even stock boys and janitors deserve respect as fellow human beings?

By the way, I’m writing this post because my brother-in-law is in the hospital again, ergo Konnie couldn’t write her post this week.

I hope you get better soon, Jerry!

Happy Writing everyone!