Autism And Me by Bonnie Le Hamilton

 

This last week my niece, Claire, received the official diagnosis she is on the Spectrum. This has been quite a journey for our family.

I can’t remember how long ago it was, a couple of years at least, if not more, but Claire sent her mother (Konnie) an article about adult women who are on the spectrum. Claire sent it to Konnie because she felt the article described herself and she wanted her mother’s opinion. Konnie read the article and found more that described me than it did Claire.

This is not to say that it didn’t describe Claire, it’s just that I do more of the things it listed.

Within a couple of months of reading that article, I went to a psychiatrist who asked me a ton of questions, noted my answers, and sure enough I am on the Spectrum.

Claire had a harder time finding someone who would evaluate her.

Anyway, each time I read more about adult women who have gone undiagnosed and or unrecognized as being on the spectrum, I find something I did or still do.

I have previously mentioned how my mother made excuses for me not looking people in the eye, and my stepmother yelled at me for playing with my hair while I was studying, but I’ve done some other things that were obvious signs.

I recently came across this meme:

Me: I’m Autistic.

My parents: There were no signs.

Me as a child:

n  Eats food in order (in my case my least favorite food to my most favorite food)

n  Wouldn’t wear certain fabrics (or in my case hats)

n  Food aversions (absolutely!)

n  Lining up toys (I don’t recall doing this one)

n  Organizing things in order (I am a little OCD)

n  Extreme obsessions

n  Violent meltdowns (YIP!)

n  Huge imagination (Duh)

n  Couldn’t express feelings (true)

n  Kept getting in trouble for being rude (big time)

n  Scared of social situations

n  Particularly good at problem solving puzzles but not knowing simple things like the meaning of words (I didn’t have this problem, not with Dictionary for a big sister)

n  Repeating sounds or sayings I hear from other people or the TV.

n  Verbally stimming

n  Physically stimming

n  fidgeting

I didn’t do all of these, but I did quite a few. I also have to point out that both of my parents were dead long before Claire read that article, so they never had a chance to say there were no signs, but I think they might have.

Perhaps, I should ask my stepmother her opinion.

Then again, maybe not. I read one meme that stated that Autism is highly genetic. Then it went on to say there is a huge flaw in the diagnosis process where parents are expected to know if there is anything “different” about their child, but well, how are they to know when its likely their whole family is on the spectrum?

Of course, when I was growing up Autism effected only white boys, period, and the big one was that they were nonverbal. Not even the pros of that era would have considered me as being on the spectrum.

I am white, but very much female, and I was never nonverbal. Konnie and I did use “twin speak” when we were little, which is why we took speech therapy in our early years of grade school. And I have mentioned this before. I was never nonverbal; We were just slow to speak in a language the adults around us understood.

This is actually a common problem with twins, particularly identical twins.

But aside from all that, reading up on it, I have found some other things I did or still do that place me on the spectrum.

We can start with scratching and or picking at scabs. Yes, that’s on the list.

Another one is constantly rehearsing conversations or interactions.

May often, fidget, chew, tap, or do other repetitive behaviors.

May struggle with situations that are unfamiliar (absolutely true!)

May chew, rub, or tap certain materials obsessively.

I could go on; the list is pretty long.

What I find most interesting is that on the top of list of “bizarre neurodivergence things” is something called “nesting.” On the spectrum, “Nesting” is having a certain spot, and having certain things nearby to that spot at all times.

You can ask Konnie, I do that.
Nobody, and I mean nobody has any trouble figuring out where I sit in my living room, even if I’m not sitting at the moment.

By the way, I also tend to mimic people in order to blend in. I’ve caught myself doing it a time or two.

Anyway, happy writing everyone! And Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Of Gifts and Birthdays by Konnie Enos

My oldest posted yesterday about the small number of gifts under her Christmas tree, and why they weren’t doing more. She mentioned what Christmas was like growing up, with the effort I put into gift-giving. Which got me thinking about what Christmas was like for me growing up.

Some years, we were lucky if there was anything under the tree or in our stockings. In others, it took us hours to open everything. The big difference was well, Momma couldn’t provide as much as Dad could. There were reasons for this, none of which was Dad being a deadbeat dad. He did all he could. It's just things were better financially the years we lived with him.

Anyway, I never wanted my kids to feel those lean years. I tried so hard.

I scrimped all year, so I’d have some money for gifts. Some years, that even worked. For other years, I pulled together scraps of cloth and yarn and made doll blankets for my girls. One year I put together a simple picture book with construction paper, printer paper, my rough drawings, and a poem I wrote. When I had money, I spent most of it at thrift stores. And I found charities, even Toys for Tots, to sign up for, just to make sure they had something.

One year, I’d managed to sign up for Toys for Tots, made them something (the book), and saved some money for Christmas. On top of Toys for Tots giving us tons, our congregation provided us with a bunch too. It was probably our biggest Christmas.

I remember that year, I was told I could only sign up the kids I already had for Toys for Tots, not the one I was expecting near Christmas. When it came time to pick up what they had for us, my baby was a few days old. They let me pick up a couple of small things for him too because he’d been born a couple of weeks earlier than expected.

Even after our finances became, well, steady, and putting money aside each month for gifts was possible, we’d frequently run into unplanned financial strains, like car repairs. Or replacing broken appliances. The help I sought and some that just found us was always a blessing.

One thing I can say is that my methods of gift-giving have changed over the years. One, I no longer look for charities to help. My kids are adults now, and we have a steady income so I can usually save enough for Christmas. (Usually, baring unforeseen events like replacing appliances or major repairs on expensive items, like cars, or central air conditioning systems.)

There are other changes too.

I used to aim to spend the same amount on everyone. This could end up with one person getting a big stack of less expensive gifts and another getting only one or two more expensive ones.

Then I tried spreading the money out over three or four gifts each. This didn’t allow for nicer gifts but at least everyone was getting the same number. This method also made it difficult to find enough ideas for gifts for everyone.

Then I found the suggestion to get each person exactly three gifts, something they could use (such as clothes), something to read (yes, a book), and something fun.

I tried it for one year. Two family members (who shall remain nameless) complained about the books (for different reasons). I seem to recall one or two (or maybe three) objecting to my choice of useful things (the clothes).

I dropped that idea quickly.

Now I aim for one or two gifts each and try to find things the recipient will appreciate. (And that can be hard with the guys in our family.) To keep in mind my limited funds, I have a price range for each gift. Some I might go over a bit, but others I go under, so I don’t end up not having enough gifts for everyone.

Anyway, we aren’t taking several hours just opening gifts. Hopefully, everyone is getting things they like. (No more complaints.) And on the plus side, I don’t have to spend days, or all night on Christmas Eve, wrapping gifts. This year I finished shopping and had wrapped all but the pet gifts, before Thanksgiving, which is my goal. I can spend December focusing on other things. Like the reason we celebrate Christmas.

I didn’t know I’d be spending this month isolating with covid but at least I don’t have to worry about what I still need to do for Christmas while I’m recuperating. And I’m still remembering that Anthony will be 24 tomorrow.

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.

Car Trouble and Other Accidents

 

Well, National Novel Writers Month is over, and I’m glad I managed to reach 50k so early in the month this time because I didn’t get much beyond that thanks to life getting in the way, and this last week winter got in the way too.

Last Tuesday, while Konnie was probably fretting about her post for the following day, I hurried outside to scrape the ice off my car windows, and only got three windows before I slipped on the frozen over snow and landed hard on my derriere. I guess I should count myself lucky that I have so much natural padding that I only bruised my rear, rather than breaking anything.

The only thing is I ended up spending the week unable to sit up without a bunch of pillows under me. Good thing I have so many. However, it wasn’t good that I couldn’t manage work. Five hours sitting on my bruised behind was bad enough yesterday. Last week was impossible.

And that only added to my problems.

You see, the week before, I got Thanksgiving off (I usually don’t work Fridays, so I had that off too) but a storm came through Wednesday night. Thanksgiving I was socked in by fog. I called my sister-in-law and we agreed to postpone it until Saturday.

Come Saturday the first thing I had to deal with was all the frozen snow on my car. I managed to get all the windows except the windshield, and I couldn’t budge any of it. I ended up getting my very nice neighbor to come out and scrap my window and while he did that, I tried to start my car.

Tried being the operative word. My battery was dead. And being broke I couldn’t call a service to jump me. I called my friend, whose husband has helped me before with my car.

The problem was, he wasn’t home, and had her car. By the end of the day my car was running again but we had already postponed it until Sunday.

We did manage to get together then, and I was followed home by a man for the first time in my life. 

My cousin, Steve, knowing all the car troubles I’ve had lately, insisted on making sure I got home safely, which was actually nice of him.

Then Monday happened. I got up in time for work and hurrying around to get dressed, when I turned wrong, and put my knee out, again. Yeah, I didn’t make it work on Monday last week, then I took my spectacular spill on Tuesday trying to get work on time.

That was a great week. Here I am barely making ends meet and I lost a whole week of work, which didn’t do me any good. By Sunday I was so anxious about my finances that I had trouble sleeping. Then, when I finally did get to sleep, I slept right through my alarm and woke up, still groggy, only to discover I was late for work! As in, I should have already been there. And I was barely awake enough to realize I had to call in.

It was one in the afternoon before I was able to put two coherent thoughts together beyond that. Yeah, it was not a good start to a new week.

And then I woke up yesterday feeling a little sick to my stomach, and I thought I might have to call in again, which I didn’t want to do not just because of the money but because I felt they were getting tired of my excuses, no matter how valid they were.

Thankfully, after getting something to eat, I was able to get out the door. I’d gone out early thinking I might have to at least scrape windows, but a warm front had come in. Temps were up in the fifties.

And yes, Konnie probably thinks that fifty is cold because she’s gotten so used to warmer climates first in coastal Washington and Oregon now in Las Vegas.

The last time I visited her, I had to borrow one of her jackets because my coat was too heavy for the weather, but there was enough of a breeze I needed something. I do recall I borrowed her unlined windbreak; she was using her fleece-lined jacket.

I also recall her friends at church bundled up in parkas and complaining about how cold it was. Remember, I was wearing my sister’s windbreaker not my winter coat, and they were complaining about it being freezing outside.

Right about now, I wish I could move south for the winter. There is no way I would stay there for the summer, too warm! But it would be nice if I could go for the winter.

Anyway, happy writing everyone!

Of Decorations, Food, Family, and Celebrations

 Currently, my mind is on Christmas.

The few presents I have left to wrap, and I’m considering not wrapping them. What food and treats we will need for our celebrations. Then there is the decorating.

Though I’m not sure why the food and decorations are such a big part of nearly all our celebrations. I mean you can enjoy the holidays without indulging in extravagant meals or eating sweets. But it seems we tend to do both.

Anyway, yesterday I was talking to Melinda about our plans for the holiday season. First, what meal we will prepare so we can start planning for it. I fail to see why we must have two such large meals only a month apart. I’m all for making a smaller, simpler meal especially to give some relief to our chief cook (Melinda). She, however, wants a nice meal and I suppose since she is cooking it, it’s her choice.

Then we discussed what treats we would need for the holiday. Pies and cakes seem to be enough sweets to celebrate Thanksgiving, but other holidays require candy for some reason. And there are both traditional (candy canes) and family preferences to consider.

After that, we moved to decorating the house.

I have heard of people who decorate for every holiday and season, but I’ve never done that. Probably because my mother (and stepmother for that matter) never bothered to decorate for any other event.

I like making my house all festive for the season.

The nice big tree in the corner covered in baubles, memories, and lights with brightly wrapped packages underneath. The wreath on the door and lights trimming the exterior of the house. And further greens and lights decorate surfaces within the house.

Then there are the displays.

Christmas villages. Santa and his reindeer. Mistletoe. And, of course, the nativities.

It takes a lot of effort to put out the displays of the season, but I like the result and how it makes a home look and feel. So, Melinda and I discussed what we could do to decorate.

I lost my wreath a few years ago so we talked about getting a new one and ways to prevent it from disappearing from our door. Thankfully we now have a doorbell camera so it might deter someone from stealing. However, that isn’t going to stop the wind from blowing it away, which is what I suspect happened to mine. So, we talked about what we could use to tie the wreath to the door hanger.

Then we talked about our tree, or rather trees, and where we would put it.

Normally we have a six-foot tree we put in the corner of the living room. We currently do not have access to that corner because we have storage there. I suppose the mess in our garage and the clutter elsewhere in our house is the price you pay for marrying a packrat and settling down for nearly two decades in one place.

So, all we have room to put up is our two-foot tree and our few stockings. This year we won’t have a wall of stockings with nearly twenty of them. There are a lot fewer people, and furry family members here now. RIP Reeses, Mabel, and Tiger. Wishing Clarissa and her family could visit again, and that Tina and Bonnie would be able to come.

I might do bodily harm to Tony if he doesn’t come home for the holiday. He won’t be working those days and it’s not like he can’t afford to travel that far. He’s earning good money and it’s only the other side of the state, not two states or more away. Or like Tina, clear across the country.

But I think what I miss most about the holiday is putting out my nativity and Christmas village. I even have a train to go with it now. What I don’t have is room to display them.

Oh, the nativity itself isn’t super huge. It could be put on something as small as a TV tray. So, maybe I could find a corner for it. But I’ve always put them side by side and it feels wrong not to do both. That and I want to see my Christmas village set up since I’ve added pieces to it since the last time I could. My nativity set hasn’t changed in the over thirty years I’ve had it.

I have looked at ways and means to set up a Christmas village without taking up a lot of space but no matter how you go about it, it still needs some space. It’s the space we don’t have.

And finally, the reason we celebrate Christmas. So maybe I do need to find a place for that nativity.

Smile. Make the day a brighter day.

Of Writing, Baking, and the Internet by Bonnie Le Hamilton

 

I am going to make this post short and sweet because I haven’t got a lot of time to write it. For starters, my internet was down for several days, and I wasn’t about to get much writing done since I couldn’t access the cloud or anything.

Then of course there is the fact that today is the day before Thanksgiving, and I have some baking to do before tomorrow.

I admit that what baking I have to do is nothing compared to how busy Konnie is preparing for her Thanksgiving dinner. At Konnie’s house, everything is fixed from scratch, and I mean everything, including the bread for the stuffing.

At my place, I’m only providing a couple of desserts. Yes, from scratch, but well, there aren’t going to be a lot of people at my sister’s-in-law tomorrow. There just isn’t room over there for a lot of people, so I won’t need to make a bunch of pies, which Konnie is doing.

As far as Nano goes, I actually finished the challenge on the 12^th, much to Konnie’s surprise. I did post that fact on Facebook, and Konnie thought I was just posting that I was participating again this year.

No, I made my goal.

I have since added a few more words to my novel, just not a whole lot due mostly to my internet issues, but I can also blame the write-in I attended Saturday where the entire group got distracted when one of our members was having trouble finding the answer to a research question she had.

That took up a large chunk of the time we had for our write-in as everyone tried to find the answer for her.

One of the other members went so far as to call a friend and ask her if she knew the answer. She didn’t off the top of her head, but she managed to find the answer just as we were packing up to leave.

The problem was solved, but I went home to find my internet was down, so I wasn’t able to have what had become my usual weekend marathon of writing. And my internet was down until last night.

I guess I should be happy that I am already past the 50k mark, I was just hoping I could manage something along the lines of what I did when I wrote book one of this series. That was the year I got over 90k in November.  And I was doing so well! After all, I did make 50k well before the 15^th and when I wrote the first book, I was at like 30k on the 15^th. Yeah, I did a ton of writing in the last half of that month.

At least there is still time to get a bunch more words and I do have another weekend to do another marathon of writing.

On another note, a librarian friend of mine asked for a copy of the first book so she could read it. She was very excited to read it and even offered to get a copy for the library once I felt it was polished.

I had told her it was a rough draft.

I personally think she has too much faith in my writing as she made that offer before she read the manuscript.

Anyway, I need to get a bunch of stuff done before work today, so I’m going to say,
“Happy Thanksgiving! And happy writing everyone!”

 

Of Reading and Favorites by Konnie Enos

 

Bonnie’s post last week about favorite authors got me thinking.

My very first thought was about going to the big city library with my siblings. Sometime after we’d mastered all those stories about Dick, Jane, Sally, and Spot we were able to get our library card and could check out any books we wanted to read.

The city library was a big building. I know it was two stories and it might have been three. The check-out desk was easily seen from the entrance and just to the side of the children’s section where all the bookcases were half-height. It was in this lovely section that I was introduced to the delights of Gertrude Warner (Boxcar Children) and Sydney Taylor (All-of-a-Kind-Family). It may also be where I was introduced to The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew. I’m sure there were many others but those were the ones I remember still.

Then in school, I was introduced to more delights. The type of book I gravitated to was historical fiction. I particularly loved those stories about famous people, especially Americans. Yes, I have a copy of Across Four Aprils. I also used to have a copy of the three-book set on Abraham Lincoln by Carl Sandburg (Yes, I know that was a biography). Little House on the Prairie? Anne of Green Gables? I’ve read those too.

In school, I was also introduced to the delights of Scholastic Books. I’m sure that’s where I got my copy (still have it) of Pollyanna. It’s also how I got my first copies of Boxcar Children and All-of-a-Kind-Family. I kept these and other favorites until a certain child, who shall remain nameless, got ahold of them. (She has replaced some of them.) When my children started getting forms to order Scholastic books, and I could afford a few, I’d get me one or two. However, the last time I got a Scholastic Book they were no longer doing the order forms, but book fairs in the schools. It was a book about the U.S. presidents through Obama (shows how long ago that was). Maybe my grandkids will invite me to one of theirs someday.

Then there are books I’ve been introduced to later in life, like A Wrinkle in Time. I don’t remember when I first heard of Madeleine L’Engle, but I know I have a copy of that book and would love to have others of her work. I’ve also read Ray Bradbury and Orson Scott Card (some of those on writing) and am actively searching for other sci-fi authors I would enjoy.

Then there’s fantasy. I have enjoyed books by Terry Brooks and J.R.R. Tolkien. I was introduced to my first fantasy in sixth grade. Someone gave Bonnie and me a boxed set of The Chronicles of Narnia. I dove right in, and though she read them, she wasn’t as enthralled as I was. I ended up with them and kept them until they disintegrated. I acquired another set. I wore those out too. I think my above-mentioned child helped me wear out, or lose, the third set. My husband got me a large bound copy of it. And…. I wore it out too. I got my newest copy since the pandemic. Since I love sci-fi as well, I also have a copy of C.S. Lewis’s sci-fi books (all three stories, bound in one book).

Then there are the books and authors I learned about because of my insistence on reading the books my kids brought home from school. Either from class reading assignments or because the teacher just gave a stack of them to my daughter, for keeps, because he knew she loved to read. One of those books was Alanna: The First Adventure. I’ve been hooked on Tamora Pierce’s Tortal books ever since.  In fact, I have all the currently released Tortal books, all 19 of them.

I also like romances. I have a nice physical pile of romances (most of those are the Love Inspired imprint). Not to mention at least half my Kindle books are romances. The one romance author I have the most novels by is Arelene James (she writes for Love Inspired).

Then there are some by friends of mine, mostly sci-fi or fantasy. Such as Dragon Protocol by Ali Archer, and Noman’s Land by Mel Newman. L.C. Ireland is a great writer too, though I have never met her. Bonnie has though, L.C. is one of her husband’s nieces. I enjoy her books Fatal Heir and Horrid. Not of a fantasy or sci-fi nature, and probably the best of this bunch, is Gawain: A Novel of Arthurian Legend by my friend Paul McLerran.

As you can tell from this list, I’m eclectic in my reading choices. After all, variety is the spice of life.

Smile. Make the world a better place.

Favorite Authors by Bonnie Le Hamilton

 

Not too long ago, an author I know on Facebook, asked her followers who their three favorite authors were. It took me a minute, but I did come up with a list of four authors, the problem is it was far from accurate. She would have gotten a different answer if she specified a genre.

I have a ton of favorite authors, all depending on the genre.

For instance, my three favorite mystery authors are Dick and Felix Francis and Jana Deleon, which is interesting because the Francis father and son duo write straight mysteries. In contrast, Jana Deleon writes closer to cozy mysteries but it's more on the misadventure level or maybe a “fish out of water” scenario. To put it frankly, the Francis duo writes intense mysteries and Deleon writes hilarious stories.

Now on the other hand, if she had picked the genre of romance, well, there are so many sub-genres, but I’ll stick with two. In the sub-genre of LDS romance, my favorite is Sharon Downing Jarvis, with an apology to my Facebook friend who originally asked the question, because that is her genre too! And my favorite sweet romance author is Linda Goodnight. If I had to come up with three, I’d say my favorite on a more secular level would have to be Muriel Jenson, but I think that is because she has a very accurate description of what it is like to have twin babies, she’s also kind of lighthearted about it.

Now for children’s authors, I guess I could say J.K. Rowling because the Harry Potter series is supposed to be in that category, but I tend to think of her works as more in the fantasy genre, so I’d go with Gertrude Chandler Warner for children’s author. And yes, she is a mystery author, but also a children’s author. Judy Blume could also be considered a children’s author for at least some of her work, but my favorites of hers are more in the YA romance category.

I have Agatha Christie, Ken Follett, and James Patterson in my mystery collection as well, and they are all excellent authors in their own right.

Another favorite author of mine is Jason Wright author of Christmas Jars and Richard Paul Evans author of The Christmas Box, though I admit I like works of both men that fall into different genres than these, it is these books that introduced me to their wonderful writing skills.

I also like biographies and autobiographies though the majority of those I have are for past and present General Authorities of my church, I do have a few on historical figures and even current celebrities; however, in this case, I can only think of one favorite autobiography, that would C.S. Lewis. But I also could mention that I like Emma Bombeck’s books a lot and I have several.

And I could name so many other authors mostly because I’m so widely read.

In the category of historical fiction, I’d have to with G. Lund. Yes, he is LDS historical fiction but well, all of my historical fiction is LDS, since the only other stuff I have in that genre are by the Yorgason brothers.

Though I do have at least one book by the Yorgason brothers that is non-fiction, and I couldn’t begin to name all the inspirational non-fiction LDS authors I have, so I’m not going to try.

I have one favorite author who is the aunt of a friend of mine. I in fact learned of her through his wife. The author is Julie Helm, and her book is The Crooked Swan. It is such a sweet story, you should read it.

Now in the fantasy genre, I’ve already named two; J.K. Rowling and C.S. Lewis, except I like his autobiography more than Chronicles of Narnia. The other author I have in this genre is Frank L. Baum for obvious reasons.

And this list doesn’t even mention Dorothy Gillman, Mark Twain, Frances Hodson Burnett, or Victor Hugo.

In short, I am a writer and as such I am a reader and I really like a lot of different genres. I mostly write romance in both sweet and YA, but well one of my supposedly sweet romances is actually speculative fiction. I don’t even think I have any books in that genre, so I don’t know how that happened.

And then there is my sci-fi, except on that level I do have a few favorites. Starting with Gene Roddenberry and William Shatner. I might add I like Leonard Nimoy too but his falls in the autobiography and poetry genres.

And yes, I am a big fan.

Konnie’s list, however, would be totally different from mine.

Anyway, Happy writing everyone!